


Illusion

by silver_galaxy



Category: Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 44,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_galaxy/pseuds/silver_galaxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regency AU. After Joseph Dutton dies, his widow believes that she will never remarry. But when Robert Goren moves from London because of his mother's health she starts to think differently. Although Robert loves her, he is afraid of subjecting Alexandra to the life he knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An End

**Author's Note:**

> Accompanying artwork: [Illusion, by Alyse.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/944690)

It was a brilliantly sunny afternoon as Alexandra stepped out of the carriage and walked into the small church on the arm of her brother in law Peter, closely followed by Joseph’s parents. The pews were already filled with mourners and once they had taken their seats at the front of the church the minister began the service. He spoke of the sadness they would feel at having lost Joseph at such a young age, but that it was God’s will and only he knew why he would call a member of his flock  to his side so soon. He told the mourners all that Joseph had achieved in his short life and of all the people who would miss him.

 

But Alexandra was paying little attention to what the minister was saying. Instead she was staring at the sunlight that was streaming through the stained glass window and illuminating the space above her husband’s coffin. It seemed to Alexandra that it was a morbid twist of fate that Joseph should be buried on such a beautiful day, after having died on a similar day. The intervening days had been dull and overcast and Alexandra had stared out the window as the rain had fallen. But as she had watched her husband die, and now as she watched him laid to rest, it was sunny.

 

She hadn’t seen him the morning he had died. He had left their bed before she awoke, eager to get an early start to the hunt. Alexandra still didn’t know exactly where the party went for the hunt; Joseph hadn’t mentioned it when he told her of their plans and nobody had thought to tell her after it happened. Truthfully she preferred not to know.

 

The other members of the hunting party had been at a loss to explain how it had happened. Joseph had always taken such pride in his rifle, ensuring that it was clean and in perfect working order. He had been using it throughout the morning without any issue until the fatal shot. He had been lying on the ground with the weapon close to his face to line up his shot. But when he had pulled the trigger, instead of firing the bullet, the weapon had exploded in his hands, sending burning pieces of metal into his face and neck.

 

The other men had managed to get the injured man onto a horse and headed as quickly as possible back to the house, sending one man ahead to fetch the local doctor. Joseph had been awkwardly draped over another man’s horse, whilst the rider tried to keep him from falling. Another man had ridden close beside them, using someone’s jacket to try and stop the blood from flowing.

 

Alexandra had known that something was wrong the moment she heard horses racing into the courtyard. She could hear them shouting for help as she had ran down the stairs towards the front of the house. When she burst through the entrance she had been caught by one of Joseph’s friends, but not before she saw her husband being lifted off the horse, clearly unconscious. They had tried to keep her away from him, saying that she shouldn’t see him like that. Looking back Alexandra could see that they were only trying to do what they thought was the right thing but at the time she had been furious that they would try to keep her away from Joseph and had struggled to break free, collapsing beside the settee that they had laid him on.

 

His injuries had been horrific and had he lived he would have had significant scarring on his face and neck and lost at least one of his eyes. The doctor had arrived soon after, but it had been too late, for Joseph was already dead. He had explained that it was the loss of blood that had killed Joseph and that even if a doctor had been there when the accident had occurred it was unlikely that they would have been able to do anything to save him. Although Joseph had never woken up to see his wife one last time, it had been a blessing that he had not been aware of the pain.

 

It was only when Peter gently touched her hand that Alexandra realised that the service was over and that everyone was going outside for the burial. She numbly watched as the coffin was lowered into the ground and she threw a handful of dirt into the grave. And just like that it was over.

 

Family and friends of Joseph’s, some that she knew and some that she didn’t, came up to offer their condolences, which Alexandra gratefully accepted. She had managed to maintain her composure until she saw her parents, at which point she broke down in tears. Thankfully by this stage it was only the two families and the minister left in the graveyard and the minister made a discrete exit. Her parents didn’t say anything as her mother gathered her in her arms.

 

It was too much for Joseph’s mother to bear and she broke down in hysterics. Her husband managed to coax her to her feet and led her back into the church, leaving his youngest son with Alexandra and her parents. 

 

He waited patiently as Alexandra was consoled by her parents. Finally she wiped away the last of her tears for the moment. “I’m sorry,” she apologised. “You should go and be with your family.”

 

“You are my family as well Alexandra. I will always consider you a sister, no matter what happens,” Peter replied gently.

 

“Thank you,” she said, grasping his hand.

 

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” he asked after a moment of silence. “You know that you are welcome to stay. No one else needs the house and I will most likely just shut it up.”

 

“I know. But I can’t stay. There are too many memories and dreams that Joseph and I shared there,” Alexandra explained.

 

Before Alexandra and Joseph had married Joseph had inherited a Dutton family property from his grandfather, which had been perfect for the newlyweds’ marital home. However the property was to remain with the Dutton family, which meant that on Joseph’s death the house had passed to Peter. If Joseph had had any sons then Alexandra would have been able to hold the house for them until they reached majority. However they had not had any children. Peter alternated between staying at his parents’ home and a townhouse in London. Although he was now the official owner of the property he had no use for it and he didn’t foresee that he would need it for quite a few years. He had therefore offered Alexandra continued use of the house for as long as she needed. In truth he had wanted her to stay there, not wanting his sister in law to lose her husband and her home at the same time.

 

But it had been their home and Alexandra could not imagine living there without Joseph. That he had died in the front parlour only made it worse. It was a house to raise a family in and was far too large for a lone woman with only servants for company. She and Joseph had often imagined what life would be like when they were finally blessed with children and if she stayed in that house she would only be haunted by that unfulfilled dream.

 

She had spent the nights since Joseph’s death in their home, alone in a place she had thought they would share for the rest of their lives. The first night had been enough to convince her that she couldn’t stay, although she had been forced to stay for the days before the funeral out of necessity. Still she had moved into a guest bedroom, unable to bear another night in the bed that Joseph would never sleep in again. Once word had been sent to Joseph’s parents about what had occurred, Alexandra wrote to her own parents explaining her feelings on the matter. Her father had immediately replied, saying that the best course of action appeared to be that Alexandra should return to her parents’ home and care, which she agreed to.

 

The next few days had been spent packing up the Dutton property, with Alexandra carefully gathering her own belongings and sending them back to her parents’ home. There were also numerous conversations with Peter and his father about Alexandra’s future. Whilst Peter wanted Alexandra to stay in the house and repeatedly offered it to her, his father believed that Alexandra had made a sensible decision. For Alexandra, her father in law’s opinion convinced her that she was making the right decision.

 

“I know,” Peter said. “I just needed to ask you one more time.”

 

“It is appreciated,” Alexandra responded, knowing how fortunate she was to have Peter for a brother in law.

 

“If you need anything you will write to me,” he insisted.

 

“I will,” Alexandra promised.

 

“When Mother is sufficiently recovered we will come to call on you,” Peter said. Glancing back towards the church he continued, “Although I fear it will be some time before that happens.”

 

With that he said his goodbyes to Alexandra and her parents and headed back into the church to find his own family.

 

Alexandra followed her parents back to their carriage, where she sat in silence for the entire journey back to their home, simply staring out the window. They quickly left behind the roads and small farms that had become so familiar to her over the past few years and returned to the area that she had grown up travelling through. It was heartbreakingly familiar and she noted every minor detail that had changed since the last time she had travelled along that route, from trees that had been removed to new buildings that dotted the landscape.

 

The servants were notably absent when they arrived, having been told not to make a fuss about Alexandra’s return. But most of the servants had known Alexandra since she had been born and felt that they should do something for her. Her bedroom and her favourite rooms throughout the house were thoroughly cleaned and brand new linen was fitted on her bed. Her horse, which had arrived the day prior, had been given special attention and treats by the stable hand and the kitchen staff had gone out of their way to ensure that all of her favourite dishes were prepared.  Even those servants who had started after Alexandra had married made an effort, not being able to help but feel sorry for the newly widowed young woman.

 

She soon found herself sitting in the drawing room, her parents seated opposite her, as her mother fussed with serving tea.

 

“Charles and Elizabeth will be arriving tomorrow afternoon,” Jonathon explained. “We had hoped that they would be here in time for the funeral, but it wasn’t possible.”

 

Alexandra nodded in acknowledgement. “And their families?” she asked. Her brother Charles and his wife had a son and two daughters, whilst her sister Elizabeth and her husband had a son Nathan, whom Alexandra was especially close to.

 

“We thought it best that it just be the five of us, at least for the first few days,” her mother said. “Their families will arrive next week.”

 

She gave a small sigh of relief. As much as she wanted to see her extended family, she didn’t think she would be able to cope with that many people straight away and she knew that the children shouldn’t have to witness her grief.

 

“I think I will retire for the night,” she decided, getting to her feet. She was at a loss as to what she should do in the circumstances and she hated how awkward she felt. She hoped that in the morning she would know how life was to proceed from now on.

 

“Alright, well I’ll call for supper,” her mother said.

 

“No,” Alexandra interrupted. “Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

 

“You must eat something,” her mother tried to coax her. “You need to keep your strength up.”

 

“I know. But I can’t. Not tonight. Maybe in the morning.” Alexandra tried to give her mother a small encouraging smile.

 

“Alright. But if you need anything during the night...”

 

“I’ll ring for one of the servants,” she finished. “But I don’t think it will be necessary.”

 

Shutting the door to the drawing room behind her, she walked up the stairs to her childhood bedroom. Pulling off the black clothing that denoted her new status as a widow, Alexandra collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to change out of her chemise into a nightgown. Nothing about the room that she had never expected to return to had changed. Nothing except her of course. She had last left this room wearing her wedding gown on the day that she had married Joseph, her life all perfectly set out for her. Now, only three years later, she had returned as a widow with no idea what her life was to become. It was with that troubling thought on her mind that she finally fell into an exhausted sleep. 


	2. A Green Dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One year later

Alexandra stared down at the black dress that was spread out on her bed. Once upon a time she would have noticed the fabric that the dress was made out of, the style of the waist and the way the skirt was supposed to sit but now all she could see was a black dress. It looked just like every other black dress that hung in her wardrobe, the ones that she had been wearing every day for the past year. Twisting her wedding rings around her finger she realised that it was time to stop being simply Joseph Dutton’s widow and start being Alexandra again. She still felt the pain of Joseph’s loss, although it had lessened over time and she didn’t think it would completely leave her. Nor did she want it to. But she felt ready to start moving on with her life.

The first step was to stop wearing the black dresses that signified her widowhood. Picking up the black dress she hung it away and pushing aside all the black dresses that seemed to dominate her wardrobe, she started sorting through her other dresses. She still wanted to wear something dark, for she wasn’t quite ready for the light coloured dresses that were considered fashionable at the moment, and settled on a dark forest green one. Once she was dressed she pulled all but one of her black dresses from the wardrobe and placed them on the bed, intending to ask one of the maids to pack them away. She didn’t want them to continue hanging in her wardrobe, haunting her with their meaning. Feeling as though a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders with that decision, Alexandra headed downstairs to join her family for breakfast. 

The grey and wet weather that had occurred between the day of Joseph’s death and the day of his funeral had returned the day afterwards, blanketing the area for the next week. The sky was almost black and it rained constantly, turning the roads into rivers of mud. This meant that whilst Alexandra’s brother and sister arrived as expected, their families were delayed, no one wanting to subject the children to travel in those conditions. The weather turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as it meant that that the children did not have to see their aunt suffering in her grief. 

Alexandra thought that once Joseph’s funeral had passed the strongest of her grief would be over. She believed that the night he died, when she cried alone in their bed, was to be the worst of it. But that was not to be the case, and the days following Joseph’s funeral were almost unbearable. She hadn’t known that it was possible to feel so devastated and to mourn so deeply that it felt like she would never escape it. 

Planning the funeral and the move back to her parents’ home had been somewhat of a distraction for Alexandra in the days after Joseph had died and she hadn’t had the time to sit down and really consider what had occurred. Someone always had a question for her or there was something that needed to be done. But when she woke up in her old bed the morning after the funeral and realised there was nothing that she needed to do she could no longer escape from the reality of her situation. 

She couldn’t stop the sobs that escaped from her and she could barely stand the agony of it all. She felt certain that she would die from the grief that welled up within her and that she would never be able to cry enough to let it all out. In desperation she tried to distract herself, reading, embroidery, anything to take her mind off her loss. But it didn’t work, for in her heart she knew that it didn’t need to be done, unlike Joseph’s funeral and arranging her move, and as a result her mind would wander back to what she had lost. At one point her siblings started to worry for her health and wondered whether they should call a doctor to prescribe something to calm her down. But her parents knew that she simply needed time.

And they were right. Alexandra survived the first few weeks, coming out the other side feeling somewhat older and looking somewhat thinner, much to her mother’s despair, for she had always worried about her tiny eldest daughter. No longer did she spend hours crying and she made a point to take a walk in the grounds each day. The arrival of her nieces and nephews certainly lifted her spirits and Charles wondered whether they had done the right thing in not sending for their families sooner, despite the slight discomfort the children may have suffered travelling in the poor weather. 

Eventually a month had passed, and Elizabeth and Charles and their families needed to return to their own homes. Naturally it was a sad parting and they all thought back to the last time they had been together the previous Christmas, when Alexandra and Joseph had joined her siblings as they all left the Eames home to return to their own homes. But this time the memory of Joseph haunted them all and Alexandra remained behind with her parents. Still there were smiles all around as the family made plans to reunite soon and the children excitedly talked about what they were going to do when they got home. 

It was about a month later that Alexandra received a letter from Peter, informing her that he and his parents would be visiting. He explained that his mother was still having trouble coping with Joseph’s death, although she had improved and felt ready to pay a visit to her daughter in law. Although Peter hadn’t gone into detail about his mother’s condition, Margaret Eames knew what he was speaking of and worried about the impact that this visit could have on her daughter. 

However she needn’t have worried, for Peter and his father ensured that Mrs Dutton was thoroughly prepared for the visit and whilst tears were shed, neither woman cried more than would be expected at such a meeting. But despite the opportunity the visit gave her to share her grief with the one person who was perhaps suffering as much as she was, Alexandra knew that it would be the last time she saw Joseph’s parents. She had never been close to either of them and any friendship that they shared had merely been out of necessity. Perhaps if she and Joseph had had a family their relationship would have been different, but with Joseph gone, there was no reason to continue the relationship. 

The Duttons would never completely leave her life and Peter extracted a promise from her that they would continue to write each other. But as their carriage pulled away Alexandra knew that that chapter of her life was starting to close. In a way it actually helped her to get over another small part of her grief, knowing that there was going to be one less reminder in her life of what she had lost.

And those past months of grief and tears had gradually led to this day, where Alexandra felt that she was truly able to start moving on with her life. She didn’t realise it yet, but in some ways she had already started. She had started doing volunteer work with the village parish, visiting local women who had also been recently widowed, providing baskets of food and clothing and arranging local tradesmen to make repairs on their properties. She had also started to think vaguely about her future, recognising that however she had imagined her life with Joseph, it was not going to be like that anymore. But she tried not to let herself get too caught up in thoughts of what she had lost, instead trying to focus on what she still had, her family and their friends. 

When she joined her parents at the breakfast table they immediately noticed the small amount of colour that she had added to her outfit and exchanged hopeful smiles at the sign of their daughter slowly leaving her grief behind. Knowing that Alexandra wouldn’t want any fuss to be made, they didn’t say anything, although Mrs Eames planned to immediately write to her other children to tell them of their sister’s progress. 

“Do you still want to come with me to visit the Bensons?” Mr Eames asked Alexandra, putting down his tea cup.

Alexandra nodded, swallowing her mouthful of breakfast. “Yes. When did you want to leave?”

“I have some letters to write first, but I should be ready to leave in about an hour,” he replied. Turning his attention to his wife he asked, “Margaret, are you sure you wouldn’t like to come?”

“I’m sure,” Mrs Eames confirmed. “But give my love to Olivia and Edward.”

“Of course Mama,” Alexandra answered, before finishing the last of her tea. 

“Alright. Alexandra could you please speak to Lake and have him arrange the carriage for us?” Seeing Alexandra’s nod of acknowledgement, Jonathon then excused himself from the table. 

As planned, an hour later Alexandra and her father were in the carriage on their way to the Bensons. 

Edward Benson, and his daughter Olivia, had been close friends of the Eames family for as long as Alexandra could remember. Despite Edward’s good reputation in the London business community, there were frequently rumours about the small family, which unfortunately had a basis in reality, and they were often sneered at by those who didn’t know them. However Edward’s business dealings meant that they were able to live in extreme comfort and their group of friends and the local families in the area who knew them knew that they were good people who did not deserve the misfortune that had occurred in their lives. 

When Edward Benson had married Serena Burns quite suddenly, no one had given the matter much though, as the couple had been courting for some months and it was known that an engagement was imminent. When Olivia was born just over seven months later, everyone gave each other knowing looks, as they thought they had discovered the reason for the rushed marriage. No one ever considered that Edward was not Olivia’s real father and it was only a select group that was close to the family that knew the truth.

It was true that Edward and Serena had been courting and Edward had spoken to her father about marriage. But one night whilst the young couple were attending a party with their families Serena was cornered by a strange man in a room away from the rest of the party and was violently assaulted. Once people saw the cuts and bruises that covered her face and arms no one ever considered that Serena had gone with the man freely and her virtue was never questioned. Instead they believed that it was a random attack by a violent, unstable man who Serena had interrupted when he was attempting to burgle the house. 

In the weeks following the attack, Serena was understandable quiet and rarely left her home. But just over a month after the attack Serena had a nervous breakdown and the truth about her attack became obvious to those around her. She was pregnant. Her attacker had not only assaulted her, but he had raped her as well. In a move that surprised everyone, most of all Serena, Edward had immediately proposed saying that if they married straight away he could claim the child as his own.

There was little that Serena could do but say yes and just over a week later they were married. But in spite of the efforts of her loving husband, and later her young daughter, she never truly recovered from the attack. As Olivia grew older, Serena turned to alcohol to ease her pain and Edward frequently had to carry his insensible wife to her bed. Discretion was a key attribute required in all the servants in the Benson household and anyone who demonstrated even the slightest inclination for gossip would be sent on their way.

It finally ended when Olivia was fifteen and Serena, in a drunken stupor, fell down the stairs, instantly killing herself. Even if there hadn’t already been rumours about Serena Benson’s behaviour, for she frequently appeared intoxicated at parties and dinners, her death resulted in much unwanted attention being paid to the remaining Bensons. 

Between the treatment she received from a mother who could not forget the circumstances of her conception and the gossip that she was subject to from the moment she came out in society, Olivia had grown into a strong woman who frequently behaved in ways that were not entirely lady-like but were otherwise considered admirable. It was one of the things that Alexandra loved most about her dearest friend. 

“You’ve stopped wearing black.” Was the first thing that Olivia said once their fathers had left the room. 

“I have,” Alexandra replied, looking down at her skirt and smoothing out an invisible wrinkle. 

“So what does it mean?”

“It means that I’ve stopped wearing black,” she answered simply.

“And you are sure you are ready for this?” Olivia asked, concerned for her friend.

“I’m ready to start,” Alexandra said cautiously. “I looked into my wardrobe this morning and couldn’t stand the thought of wearing one of those black dresses again. I think that means that I am ready. I am getting there Olivia. Slowly, but I will get there.”

“I’m glad,” Olivia smiled. “You might not be able to see it, but you have seemed more...content, in recent weeks.”

“I am more content. I’ve started to come to terms with what has happened. Joseph is dead; my life will never be what I thought it was going to be. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a good life. I have my family and the children, and you of course.” Alexandra reached across to pat Olivia’s hand.

“But what about a family of your own?” Olivia asked. “I know that it doesn’t feel like it now, but you are young, you will be able to marry again and have children.”

“No,” Alexandra shook her head slowly. “Joseph was my chance for love and a family and I had three wonderful years with him. But I have accepted that I wasn’t meant to have a life-long companion, or children, and I am alright with that.”

“You’re being foolish,” Olivia scolded, smiling to ease the sting of her words. “It’s only been a year, of course you wouldn’t think of marrying another so soon. But you are not meant to go through life alone Alexandra.”

“I’m not saying that I’ll take orders and become a nun,” Alexandra replied. “I know that I’ll never be alone. I’m simply saying that I cannot imagine feeling like I did with Joseph again or marrying again.”

“But if the right man came into your life?”

“I have not completely closed my mind to the possibility, but I am doubtful it will happen. Perhaps when I am older and Elizabeth’s and Charles’s children are grown,” she suggested. 

“It is too soon for you to be giving any serious thought to this matter,” Olivia decided, despairing at the thought of Alexandra waiting twenty years to marry an old widower. “In a few years perhaps. But promise me that if you do meet someone you won’t deny yourself the chance.”

“I promise,” Alexandra replied dutifully. “But he would have to be a very special man and what are the chances of someone like that coming to Hertfordshire?”


	3. Canarsie House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few years later

It wasn’t the grandest or largest home in the area, although the property had one of the longest traceable histories in the region. Canarsie House had originally been a largely self sufficient property, with fields reserved for crops and grazing. There had even been a dairy that produced milk, butter and cheese that was then sold in the local villages. But that had been a long time ago and much of the farmland that surrounded the house had been sold to the owners of the adjoining properties or had been rented out to local farmers.

 

The current home, a red brick Georgian style house, was surrounded by manicured gardens and hidden from the front of the property by a small forested area. However there was a sweeping driveway that showcased the best of the property to visitors before the house came into view. The house had been designed and built with entertaining in mind, with numerous guest bedrooms, a large dining room and ballroom and space in the stables to hold multiple carriages.

 

However in recent years the house had not seen much entertaining and the excess rooms had largely been closed up. The owners were a nouveau riche family who lived in London and had brought the house so they could have a summer home in the country. But after spending their first summer at Canarsie House they had decided that the country bored them and that they vastly preferred the life that London could provide them with. Still they had continued to use the property, visiting it for a few short weeks every now and then, usually for hunting trips. But even the novelty of short visits had eventually worn off and the house had been sitting empty for the past six months.

 

The family kept a small staff permanently at the property to maintain it whilst they were away but they had been poorly chosen and were poorly paid. As a result Canarsie House had not been maintained as well as it should have and some of the staff had even deserted their jobs. An occasional carriage would be seen driving into the property; however it would usually leave within a day. Gossip amongst the servants said that the owners were removing the more valuable pieces of artwork, as well as personal belongings that had been left behind on prior visits.

 

Recently however, the number of carriages and carts heading into Canarsie House had increased. But rather than taking items away from the house these ones were delivering building and gardening supplies, new pieces of furniture, as well as workmen and new servants. It was clear to everyone in the surrounding areas that something major was about to occur with the property, although nobody was sure what. None of the families in the area had been friends with the owners; on the few occasions that they had made use of the property they had kept to themselves, so no one was entirely certain what was happening.

 

Eventually it was Marge Cragen who learned what was happening with Canarsie House, through a sister who lived in London. Donald and Marge Cragen were the Eames’s closest neighbours and Jonathon Eames was especially close with Mr Cragen, both men having had commissions in the military at the same time. The Cragens had never had children, but they happily played uncle and aunt to the children of their friends, which included the Eames children and now the grandchildren, as well as Olivia. The couple had been married for just over ten years when Mrs Cragen was involved in a severe carriage accident. Her recovery had been long and slow and for a while the doctors had believed that she would not survive. Distraught at the thought of losing his beloved wife, Mr Cragen had turned to copious amounts of alcohol. Eventually Mrs Cragen had recovered, but she had immediately been faced with the task of rescuing her husband. But they had endured and survived that as well and Mr Cragen had sworn off all alcohol.

 

Through her sister Mrs Cragen had learned that the family’s shipping business had been badly mismanaged by their eldest son and that they were facing financial ruin. Desperate to save face in London the family had turned to selling off assets that their peers were not aware that they held. However this approach clearly had not worked and everyone in London was aware of the sales, so the family then tried to claim that they were making the sales in order to make even better investments.

 

The red brick house, and the surrounding land and gardens, had been one of the first things to be put on the market, although they had had trouble attracting a buyer for it. Mrs Cragen’s sister had explained in her letter that they had been asking for too much money and that anyone who could afford what they were asking either already had a country home or didn’t want to buy one from that family. The fact that the house had not been properly maintained had not helped either.

 

Clearly though, the house had been sold and whoever purchased it was sufficiently discrete that the details of the sale managed to evade the gossip mills that otherwise surrounded the family. As far as the Eameses, Cragens and the other families in the area were concerned, that was the last they heard of the now former owners of Canarsie House.

 

Eventually the workmen and supplies stopped coming to the property and for the next month there were very few signs of life in the house, besides the new servants, and everyone started to wonder what the new owner was planning to do with it. But one day a large procession of carriages, some of which looked extremely expensive, headed up the driveway of the property. As summer was coming to an end it was clear that the new owner was not planning to use the house as a summer home and people started to wonder whether they were going to have a new family permanently in the area.

 

Everyone was very excited about this possibility and eagerly awaited an introduction. They allowed time for the family to get settled in their new home, understanding that social calls could not be made immediately. However the weeks went past and the expected introduction did not occur. At first people were understanding of this, perhaps it was taking longer than usual to get settled. But soon they started to question what type of family had moved into the property. After all it was simply common courtesy to introduce yourself.

 

The families began to further question their new neighbour when they realised that there had been no one new attending Sunday church services in the village. Although in previous times Canarsie House had included its own chapel for the family to use, the chapel and the land that it stood on had long ago been sold to satisfy the debt of a previous owner. Since all the local families attended the church in the nearby village, it seemed obvious that this new family would also attend services there. But more than two months had passed and there still had been no sign of the family.

 

Eventually the novelty of a mysterious neighbour wore off and any offence taken at the family not having introduced themselves were forgotten. Life continued on as it had before. Occasionally carriages and carts were seen going in and out of the property, but the servants were discrete and nothing more was heard.

 

It wasn’t until the new family had been living in the area for approximately three months that the local families finally learned something of them. Mr Benson had been in London for business and whilst making small talk at a dinner one evening he had been asked where he lived. When Mr Benson explained that he lived in Hertfordshire the gentleman, a Mr Stone, he was speaking with asked if he knew whether there were any properties for sale in the area. He had a distant acquaintance who had been looking for a home in the area and any recommendations would be most appreciated. Mr Benson had told Mr Stone that he wasn’t aware of any properties that were for sale although one had been purchased in recent months and they still didn’t know who the owner was. Mr Stone had admitted that it was a very distant acquaintance that he was talking about and it was entirely possible that he was the new owner of the property in question.

 

Mr Stone then explained that this particular gentleman had been looking for a home in the country on the recommendation of his mother’s doctor. His mother had been ill for quite some time, although the exact nature of her illness was unknown, and her doctor had suggested that removing her from London and taking her to live amongst the peace and fresh air of the country may be beneficial. As far as he was aware, the man had no family of his own and his father had passed way many years ago. There may have been a brother, however Mr Stone had not heard anything about him. So it was entirely possible that the only inhabitants would have been the gentleman, his mother and any servants they required. From what the local families had seen, or more precisely what they hadn’t seen, this would make sense. A confirmed bachelor and his sick mother were much less likely to be making social calls than a young couple or a family with children who had reached an age to be courting.

 

Olivia relayed this information to the other women one evening after dinner when the men had excused themselves for a game of cards. Edward had told her immediately upon returning home, thinking that she would be eager to share the news, but truthfully she had entirely forgotten until Katherine Stabler said that her mother in law was unwell and that she and Mr Stabler were going to be taking the children to visit her in the next few weeks.

 

“I’m sure seeing her grandchildren will improve her spirits,” Olivia said, smiling at Mrs Stabler. “Actually that does remind me. Whilst he was in London Father heard about a man who could be our mysterious new neighbour.”

 

“Really? What’s his name?” Angela Deakins asked.

 

“I don’t know. Father didn’t think to ask,” Olivia shook her head. “But he was speaking to a Mr Stone who said that he knew someone who was eager to buy in the area.” At Alexandra’s disbelieving look she insisted, “Wait until you hear it Alexandra, it does make sense.”

 

“Well, go ahead,” Mrs Cragen said, eager to hear the next part of the story that her sister had started.

 

“If this is correct,” Olivia conceded, “Then our new neighbour is a gentleman who purchased the house for his mother. Apparently she isn’t well and her doctor recommended that country air might improve her health. He was looking for a house in Hertfordshire in order to move her away from London.”

 

“Does he have a family at all?” Mrs Eames asked.

 

“None except his mother. Father said that he wasn’t married and that his own father had passed away. He didn’t mention anyone else,” Olivia replied.

 

“Well that would certainly explain why he hasn’t come to call and why we haven’t seen them in church,” Mrs Deakins decided. “If his mother is bedridden he certainly wouldn’t want to be leaving her alone.”

 

“Well we don’t know for certain that she’s bedridden,” Mrs Stabler ventured.

 

“Besides there were quite a few servants that accompanied them when they arrived. One of them was probably a nurse. So I doubt that he is looking after her entirely on his own,” Alexandra said sensibly.

 

“Maybe someone should go and visit him? To welcome him and his mother. I’m sure they would appreciate some company,” Mrs Cragen suggested.

 

But whilst all the ladies agreed that it was a good idea, nobody immediately volunteered and the topic was soon forgotten as the conversation moved on. The new resident and his mother drifted from their collective consciousness and it would be at least another month before the matter of Canarsie House was raised again. 


	4. First Encounter

He was disappointed that Alexandra and Olivia hadn’t wanted to join him on an early morning ride. They had said that they preferred to ride at a more civilized hour but Michael thought that there was nothing better than a ride in the crisp morning air just after the sun had risen. He would convince them one day but until then he would continue to ride alone, with only his horse for company. Still, he wouldn’t complain too much, for at least he was still able to enjoy the peace and tranquillity of the land and it would be at least another month before he was forced to travel to London, which he never enjoyed.

 

Kicking his horse into a canter, Michael leaned down into the saddle, ignoring the voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his childhood tutor saying that it was not the way for a gentleman to ride a horse, and enjoyed the feeling of racing across the land. Suddenly the horse veered to the right, almost throwing Michael from the saddle. He heard a yelp and his horse started neighing, panicked as the strange dog ran underfoot.  Struggling to regain control of his animal he tried to direct it away from the dog, fearing that either the horse, the dog or himself was going to be injured.

 

“Lewis! Lewis!” Michael heard the voice before he saw the other man on horseback race up to them.

 

“Lewis! Heel,” he barked, pulling his horse to a stop. Seeming to know that he was in trouble, the dog slunk back to his owner’s side.

 

“Nice dog,” Michael commented, panting as recovered from almost falling from his mount.

 

“I’m sorry. Sometimes he just finds a smell and he’s absolutely determined to follow it and won’t let anything stop him. Least of all his master,” the stranger commented, glaring down at his dog.

 

“Right. Is he a hunting dog?” Michael asked.

 

The dog’s owner laughed. “He’d be a very poor excuse for a hunting dog. Very good at following smells but that’s about all he’s interested in. No Lewis is just a companion.”

 

There was silence for a few minutes as the men awkwardly tried to think of anything else to say. Glancing back the stranger realised how far he had come in pursuit of his dog.

 

“I have to apologise again. I didn’t realise I’d come so far and trespassed on your land,” he said.

 

“That’s perfectly fine. It’s not my land,” Michael said lightly. Seeing the look on the man’s face he realised that he should explain himself. “The land belongs to a friend, James Deakins. I live quite close by and he allows me to ride here.”

 

“Ah,” he replied awkwardly. “I only recently moved here and I haven’t had the chance to, uh, introduce myself to anyone.”

 

Michael nodded in acknowledgement before what the stranger said fully registered. Looking towards the land in the distance he realised that he had said he had recently moved to the area. “Oh,” he exclaimed. “You wouldn’t happen to be the new owner of Canarsie House would you?”

 

“I am,” the man confirmed. “You know the property?”

 

“You’ll find that it doesn’t take long to get to know the properties in the area,” Michael commented.

 

“It’s certainly must smaller than where I’m from,” the man said, looking across the hilly surrounds.

 

“Where is that?” Michael asked.

 

“London,” the man stated.

 

“Ah,” Michael exclaimed. “Well you’ll certain find that life here is very different.”

 

“I’m hoping that will be the case.”

 

“Well, welcome to Hertfordshire. I’m Michael Logan.”

 

“Robert Goren,” the man introduced himself, reaching across to shake Michael’s hand.

 

“So, what brings you to our part of the country? If you don’t mind me asking,” Michael said. Although Mr Benson had explained to Olivia what he had heard about the possible new owner of Canarsie House in London, and she had told the other ladies, both members of the Benson family had neglected to tell any of the men. And whilst the various women had discussed what Olivia had said once or twice, Michael had never been privy to any of the conversations and therefore knew nothing of the story.

 

“My mother actually,” Robert replied.

 

“Oh? I don’t think I’ve ever met a Goren around here.”

 

“You wouldn’t have. My mother and I both moved here from London. She has some...health concerns and her most recent doctor suggested that living in the country may be beneficial,” Robert explained. Although he wasn’t willing to explain the entirety of his mother’s situation, he had always found that if you gave people some information that would be enough to keep them satisfied and stop them from asking too many questions.

 

“Most recent doctor?” Michael questioned.

 

“Her illness is complex and I’ve had trouble finding competent doctors that she will cooperate with. My mother can be...difficult to get on with,” Robert said, resignation in his voice.

 

“Ah,” Michael said, taking an entirely different meaning from Robert’s words. He completely understood what difficult mothers could be like. His own mother had never been pleased with anything that he did and as a result he rarely saw her.

 

“I’ve always liked Hertfordshire and it’s sufficiently close to London that I am able to get there for business. Plus its close enough for doctor’s visits,” Robert explained. “And you? Have you always lived here?”

 

“Yes, I grew up here. I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Unfortunately I have to go to London at least once a month, but I always try to get back as soon as I can,” Michael said. “There are quite a few gentlemen in the area who do something similar. Of course some of their wives will take any excuse to go to London. But at the end of the day most people are happy to return to here.”

 

“Your wife doesn’t mind not going to London often then?” Robert asked with a grin.

 

“My wife?” Michael raised his eyebrow. “Oh no I’m not married. Far too much trouble.” Suddenly realising that he might not have been making the best impression, insulting other men’s wives and women in general, he backpedalled, “But I’m sure your wife is lovely.”

 

Robert gave a small laugh before sobering. “I have yet to experience the bliss of matrimony as well,” he said with a wry smile. He opened his mouth as though he was going to say something else but then decided against it.

 

The two men seemed to fall into an awkward silence once more, before Lewis broke it by wandering from his master’s side to follow an interesting smell.

 

“Well, it was nice to meet you Mr Logan,” Robert said, bending his head in acknowledgement.

 

“You as well Mr Goren,” Michael responded, similarly inclining his head. “I have no doubt that we will see each other again.”

 

“Of course,” Robert replied. With that he turned his horse around and started to follow his wayward dog.

 

Behind him Michael also turned and started slowly riding back to the Deakins’s house.

 

* * *

 

“What did they say when they realised you were sitting behind them?” Alexandra asked.

 

“Not a word to me. But,” Olivia said with a smile, “They must have mentioned the incident to their husbands, because they next time they came to see Father they apologised profusely for their wives’ deplorable manners.”

 

“Olivia my dear, you have the patience of a saint,” Mrs Deakins commented. “I’m not certain I could stand to endure all that you put up with without giving someone a piece of my mind.”

 

“Oh she gives people a piece of her mind on occasion,” Mr Cragen said. “You just have not been regaled with those particularly stories.” Mr Cragen on the other hand had witnessed some of Olivia’s more explosive reactions to the thoughtless gossip that seemed to follow her around.

 

The group was having one of their regular dinners at the home of James and Angela Deakins. In attendance were Alexandra and her parents, Olivia and her father, the Stablers, the Cragens and Michael. In a few years the Stablers’ eldest daughter Maureen would be introduced to society and would start to attend these dinners, as well as the balls that the families held. But until then she, and the other children, would stay at home, although there were frequently picnics and other events during the day that they were able to attend.

 

The current conversation related to an incidence which occurred during Olivia’s most recent trip to London with her father. Although Olivia was perfectly comfortable to stay at home in Hertfordshire she did enjoy travelling to London, a fact which earned her frequent teasing from Michael. Whilst she had been at a ball she had overheard two women saying that Edward Benson should have married again as soon as possible after Serena’s death because Olivia had quite clearly needed a mother figure to raise her properly. Rather than attack the women for their vile comments, which would only give them more reason to comment, Olivia had gracefully left the room, making sure that they saw her as she pointedly looked at them.

 

“I could tell you some stories if you were interested Mrs Deakins?” Michael offered cheekily.

 

“You will do no such thing. Besides, I have plenty of stories about you Mr Logan,” Olivia interrupted, smiling sweetly.

 

“So do I,” Alexandra added, supporting her friend.

 

“Right,” Michael replied, returning his attention to his dinner.

 

“I still haven’t seen our new neighbour,” Mr Deakins commented, taking a piece of bread from the plate in front of him.

 

“It’s strange. Are you sure he hasn’t left?” Mr Stabler asked.

 

“As sure as we can be,” Mr Deakins replied. “Mr Benson, did you ever hear anymore in London about that gentleman who wanted to buy a house in Hertfordshire?”

 

“The gentleman with the sickly mother?” Mr Benson questioned.

 

Michael suddenly remembered the conversation he had had with Robert Goren a few weeks ago. “Would this be a bachelor who moved to the country because a doctor recommended country air for his mother?”

 

“Yes,” Mr Benson confirmed.

 

“His name is Robert Goren. He bought Canarsie House,” Michael said casually, popping a piece of meat in his mouth.

 

“How do you know that?” Alexandra demanded.

 

“I met him when I was out riding a few weeks ago,” he replied. Looking around the table at all the faces that were staring at him, he asked, “What?”

 

“You met our new neighbour a few weeks ago and you didn’t think to tell us?” Mrs Deakins asked.

 

“I did think to tell you, I just hadn’t got around to it,” Michael replied defensively.

 

“You mean you forgot,” Mr Stabler said laughingly.

 

“No! Well, maybe,” he admitted. “But I’ll tell you now. His name is Robert Goren and he bought the property because his mother’s doctor suggested country air might help her. He still needed to be close to London and he quite likes Hertfordshire which is why he chose Canarsie House. It’s just the two of them; he doesn’t have a family of his own.”

 

“How did you meet him?” Olivia asked.

 

“His dog ran under my horse when I was out riding one morning,” Michael explained. “There was no harm done. He hadn’t realised he had ridden off his property and apologised for trespassing. I explained that the land belonged to the Deakins family. He said that he hadn’t had a chance to meet anyone yet.”

 

“Well it is nice to finally know who our new neighbour is,” Mrs Deakins commented.

 

“I must say that I hadn’t thought about Canarsie House in weeks,” Mrs Stabler said, trying to sooth the group.

 

“Well I have and I cannot believe that Mr Logan has known for weeks now and neglected to tell us. Honestly Mr Logan where are your manners?” Mrs Deakins demanded. “None of us have contacted him since then. He must be wondering what sort of place he has moved to.”

 

Before Michael had a chance to reply, Mrs Eames interrupted, “It took such a long time for any of us to meet him. Perhaps we should use Mr Logan’s meeting to our advantage and invite him to our next dinner?”

 

“That’s a wonderful idea,” Mrs Cragen agreed.

 

“If he’s caring for his mother and hasn’t had a chance meet any of his neighbours, except for accidentally running into Mr Logan, he might not be able to attend,” Alexandra commented.

 

“Nonsense,” Mrs Deakins declared. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled at the opportunity.”

 

“Yes,” Mrs Cragen agreed. “I’m certain he’ll have some time to spare so that he can meet everyone. And a dinner or ball would be the perfect opportunity to meet everyone at once.”

 

“Perhaps he’s just been waiting for an opportunity to introduce himself?” Mrs Stabler suggested.

 

“Of course the other possibility is that perhaps he is waiting for us to introduce ourselves, to welcome him to Hertfordshire,” Olivia said.

 

“Well then, inviting him to our next dinner is the perfect solution,” Mr Deakins decided, agreeing with his wife.

 

“His mother might even be well enough to attend,” Mrs Cragen added.

 

Everyone else at the table voiced their agreement, deciding that a bachelor living with his sick mother probably hadn’t thought of introducing himself. Not as a result of poor manners, but simply because he had other concerns. An invitation would be sent for the next dinner and they all decided that they were very much looking forward to meeting the newest residents of Hertfordshire. 


	5. A Life Changing Decision

It was only a few weeks later that Angela Deakins sent the invitation to Robert Goren, requesting the presence of him and his mother at a dinner with other families in the area. It had been decided that the Deakinses were the best ones to host the first dinner that the Gorens were invited to as they lived closest to Canarsie House and they were the only members of the group that Michael had mentioned, so the Gorens would not be receiving an invitation from complete strangers.

 

The invitation was accompanied by a small note of introduction, welcoming him to the neighbourhood and saying that they were aware that he had already met Mr Logan. The rest of their group was eager to meet the Gorens and sincerely hoped that Mr Goren and his mother would accept the enclosed invitation.

 

The invitation and the accompanying note had been hand delivered, but the servant who had answered the door at Canarsie House had said that both the master of the house and his mother were indisposed but had promised that the invitation would be passed on. The Deakins’s footman, who had delivered the letter, was certain that he had heard shouting coming from inside the house, but was not about to risk his employment discussing such things.

 

The servant had carefully placed the letter on his master’s desk, but Robert had soon afterwards left for London and it did not take long for the invitation to get buried under the other correspondence that arrived almost daily at Canarsie House. 

 

* * *

 

Although Robert was in London, he was due back at Canarsie House later that day and Frances hoped that her good day would last long enough to welcome her son back at dinner that evening.

 

On her good days Frances knew that she wasn’t well. She knew that she would see and hear things that weren’t really there and she would lash out at the people who were trying to help her, her nurse, the doctors and her son. She knew that she shouldn’t do it but when she was sick it didn’t seem to matter because she would believe that they were trying to hurt her, not help her. She knew that the day was coming where she wouldn’t have any more good days, they were becoming less and less frequent and it seemed that nothing that the doctors suggested did anything to stop it. Her husband had said that it was her fault and had wanted to lock her away in a sanatorium but he had died before he was able to carry out his threat. Her son on the other hand wouldn’t think of carrying out such a threat. Robert had always said she was sick and it couldn’t be helped and was always seeking out new doctors hoping that they would be able to cure her.

 

Robert had employed a permanent nurse, a Miss Olivet, to look after her a couple of years ago, interviewing dozens of nurses until he found one to whom he felt he could entrust his mother’s care. Even on Frances’s good days Miss Olivet would shadow Frances around the house, watching for any sign that would suggest her illness was taking over and escorting her back to her room before any damage was done.

 

Against the recommendation of some of her doctors, Robert allowed Frances free range of the house on her good days, as long as she was accompanied by Miss Olivet, and the servants were instructed to allow her to undertake any task that a woman in her position would otherwise undertake. In other words, to treat her as the mistress of the house. He felt that it would do her good to not feel as though she were constantly being treated as an invalid and Frances agreed, for she hated feeling useless.

 

Today being one of those good days, Frances set off for Robert’s office, which he had kept open for her whilst he was away. As much as her son tried to keep his study tidy, he inevitably got distracted by something more interesting or important and papers would be left where he dropped them. Whilst he insisted that he knew where everything was, it irritated Frances to have any untidy rooms in her house, so she was going to take this opportunity to clean it and possible sort out some household matters whilst she was there.

 

Entering the room she saw that she was correct and there were papers and books strewn everywhere.

 

“I’ll never know how he manages to achieve anything with his study in this state,” she commented to Miss Olivet.

 

Walking past the wingback chair and the small table next to it she retrieved a couple of books and returned them to their rightful place on the bookshelf. She picked up half a dozen letters that had been carelessly left on the bookshelf and took them back to the large desk that dominated the room. Seating herself at the desk she could feel she sun shining through the window and warming her hair.

 

For the next hour or so she sorted through the papers and letters that were scattered across the desk. Every now and then she would leave her seat to return a book or other item to its correct home. There was a growing pile of unopened letters with return addresses in London, so Frances assumed that they were from Robert’s business associates. A few of the already opened letters came from family acquaintances and she dutifully left notes for Robert with any information or wishes she wanted to pass on.

 

A letter that was well buried had a return address in Hertfordshire and this immediately attracted Frances’s attention. Having lived her entire life in London Frances didn’t know anyone who lived in Hertfordshire and Robert had chosen their new home here because it was close to London and he appreciated the beauty of the area, not because he had any acquaintances there. As far as she was aware he still had not met any of their neighbours. However, the letter was addressed to both of them and she allowed herself the pleasure of opening it.

 

She was delighted to see that it was a dinner invitation; it would be a wonderful opportunity for Robert. She knew that in recent years he hadn’t been as social as he had once been and that was primarily due to her and he had almost reached the stage where he would automatically reject any invitation that he received. It was doubtful that she could attend, but he could easily make apologies for her and attend the gathering alone. She felt certain that there would be other young people at the dinner that he could socialise with.

 

Putting away the final few items and satisfying herself that the desk was clean, Frances made certain to place the invitation in plain view, where it would be impossible for Robert to miss it.

 

* * *

 

“That was very nice Ma. Thank you,” Robert said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. He had arrived home from London as scheduled and had been pleased to see that his mother was doing well. As well as tidying his study she had also arranged with their cook for Robert’s favourite dishes to be prepared for dinner that evening.

 

“I know how much you like these dishes. I wanted you to have a nice welcome home,” Frances smiled at her son.

 

“But you didn’t need to go to all this trouble. Seeing you doing so well today is more than enough. We don’t get to have dinners together as much as I would like to...”

 

“Between you being in London and my being sick,” she finished for him.

 

“It is not your fault Ma,” Robert said firmly. “Once this deal is completed hopefully I will be able to spend more time at home.”

 

“That would be nice,” Frances commented. “It will give you more time to learn about our new home.”

 

“Perhaps,” Robert said in a non-committal manner, swirling the liquid in his water glass.

 

“Tell me what it’s like Robert, Hertfordshire,” Frances entreated. In all the months they had been living at Canarsie House, Frances had yet to pass the gates of the property. Whilst she could wander freely in the house and the gardens, she couldn’t go out in public. She hated feeling like a prisoner in her own home, however it was mostly self-imposed and she knew it was for the best.

 

“It’s nice Ma, very green. We’ll go for a carriage ride one day soon, so you can see it,” Robert promised.

 

“And our neighbours Robert. Do we live near nice people?” Frances probed further.

 

“I met a man called Michael Logan a few weeks ago, whilst I was out riding. Lewis ran off and nearly got trampled by his horse.”

 

“Pesky beast,” Frances muttered under her breath. She had never seen the attraction of keeping pets.

 

Ignoring his mother’s comment, Robert continued. “He’s lived in the area all his life and he also goes to London for business. He was riding on the property of a family called Deakins.”

 

“And did you meet Mr and Mrs Deakins?” Frances demanded.

 

“No,” Robert shook his head. “Just Mr Logan. But the Deakins are our immediate neighbours. They live to that side of the property,” he said pointing behind him.

 

“Who are our other neighbours?”

 

“I’m not sure Ma, I haven’t had a chance to meet them yet,” Robert said, feeling slightly guilty.

 

“Well, who else have you met?” she asked impatiently.

 

“No one else.”

 

“No one else?” Frances repeated incredulously. “We’ve lived here for this long and you’ve only met one person? Really Robert, we’ve had enough rumours about this family without you turning into a hermit. What an impression we must have made!”

 

“No Ma, don’t be like that. I haven’t done it intentionally. I’ve been busy that’s all. Between London and a new house I haven’t had time to go into the village or meet anyone,” Robert explained.

 

“Well you had time to meet Mr Logan,” Frances pointed out.

 

“That was an accident. I was out riding. It was just after dawn, hardly the time to be making social calls,” Robert countered.

 

“I suppose,” Frances relented. “Well then, it’s fortunate that you received that invitation from the Deakins inviting you to dinner.”

 

“Ah. So that’s why it was so prominently displayed on my desk,” Robert said with a small smile.

 

“Well I had to bring it to your attention somehow. Imagine, if I hadn’t cleaned your desk you probably wouldn’t have found that invitation until the dinner was six months past. And then our neighbours would think you were rude as well as unsociable,” Frances huffed.

 

“I’m sure I would have found it before the date for the dinner had passed. Did you see the note that was included?” Robert asked. “They seem eager to meet us.”

 

“It was a very nice and polite note,” Frances agreed. She became more melancholy as she continued. “They invited both of us.” Acquaintances in London had long ago stopped inviting Frances Goren to any social events.

 

“I know Ma. I’ll write a response in the morning saying that we are unable to attend.”

 

“You’ll do no such thing.” Her son’s comment seemed to give Frances a new burst of energy. “I know that I will not be able to attend but there is no excuse for you to decline such a delightful invitation.”

 

“I don’t want to leave you on your own if I don’t have to,” Robert protested.

 

“Nonsense. I’ll have Miss Olivet. And one evening is hardly going to kill me Robert,” Frances said.

 

“I don’t know...”

 

“You’re going Robert and that’s final. I don’t want you to stop living your life because of me. It will be good for you to go and mingle with people other than your business associates. I’m sure there will be some young people your age there. I remember some of the dinners that I went to when I was your age. They were such fun,” Frances reminisced.

 

“Alright Ma. But only if you’re sure that you can manage with Miss Olivet. And if anything happens I’ll have her send for me immediately.”

 

“No,” Frances interrupted. “No conditions, you will go and you will have a good time. Even if I have to write the response myself.”

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Robert sighed, certain that if she remembered she could carry through on her threat.

 

As the evening wore on, Frances grew tired and started to get confused. As Robert walked her up to her bedroom he realised that she thought that it was thirty years early and that she would be attending the party. However she was calm and not at all paranoid, so Robert counted it as a good end to the day. Before he closed the door behind him he whispered to Frances that he would go and write his acceptance letter immediately, knowing that if she was still awake she would be thrilled to hear it. 


	6. A Magic Trick

It was dark by the time Robert arrived at the Deakins’s home, but he could see that the house was lit up on the inside, and appeared warm and inviting. Stepping out of his carriage and walking towards the door, he wondered whether he was doing the right thing and whether he should turn around and return home. However the decision was made when a doorman appeared at the entrance to admit him to the dinner. The doorman seemed to show no surprise or concern at the stranger arriving on the property, so Robert assumed that the other guests were well known to the servants and that they had been told to expect him.

 

He was lead into the drawing room and saw that the other guests had already arrived and were scattered around the room talking in small groups. The servant discretely made his way over to a tall blonde woman. After listening to what the servant had to tell her the woman smiled brightly and excused herself from the couple that she was talking to.

 

“You must be Mr Goren,” she said walking up to Robert. “We’re so glad you were able to come, everyone’s been looking forward to meeting you.”

 

“Thank you Mrs Deakins.” He assumed that the woman who came over to greet him would be the hostess. “It was very kind of you to invite me. Once again my mother sends her apologies. She would have very much liked to have come but unfortunately she was not well.”

 

“Well you must pass on our sympathies to her,” Mrs Deakins replied. Taking his arm she continued, “We will be serving dinner in a few minutes but I would like to introduce you to our group first.”

 

She directed Robert to a small group in the corner, where two women were seated whilst their husbands stood. “Excuse me,” she said, interrupting their conversation, “But I would like to introduce you to Mr Robert Goren, who is the new owner of Canarsie House. Mr Goren, this is Mr and Mrs Cragen and Mr and Mrs Stabler.”

 

Robert shook hands with both the gentlemen and gave the women a small bow.

 

“Welcome to Hertfordshire Mr Goren,” Mrs Stabler said. “We’ve heard that you’ve only recently moved from London.”

 

“Thank you,” he replied. “Yes I have lived in London for my entire life but I find Hertfordshire to be a very beautiful part of the country.”

 

“Well I think you’ll find everyone here tonight will agree with you,” Mr Cragen said with a smile.

 

“We will leave you to your conversation, but I’m sure you’ll have a chance to get to know Mr Goren better during dinner,” Mrs Deakins interrupted, eager to continue introducing their guest.

 

Taking Robert around the perimeter of the room, she stopped at a group of two gentlemen and an older lady.

 

“Angela, this must be Mr Goren,” one of the men said seeing the pair approach.

 

“It is,” she smiled. “Mr Robert Goren, this is my husband Mr Deakins,” she said indicating the man who had just spoken and was reaching out to shake Robert’s hand. “And Mr Benson and Mrs Eames.”

 

“A pleasure to meet you,” Robert acknowledged.

 

“You’ve caused quite a stir Mr Goren,” Mr Benson said. “Everyone has been very eager to meet you.”

 

“Oh,” Robert exclaimed, his cheeks colouring slightly. “That certainly wasn’t the intention.”

 

“Don’t fret, he’s just teasing,” Mrs Eames reassured him.

 

“Have you introduced him to the young ladies yet?” Mr Deakins asked.

 

“Not yet,” Mrs Deakins said, shaking her head. Turning to Robert she continued, “Mr Benson’s daughter Olivia and Mrs Eames’s daughter Alexandra are both in attendance today. They’re just standing on the other side of the room with Mr Logan. You of course remember Mr Logan.”

 

Robert nodded and looked across to the other side of the room where the group of young people were standing. One of the ladies, the shortest of the group, happened to glance over to where Robert was standing and catching his eye, gave him a brief smile.

 

She was wearing a pale blue-grey dress and Robert watched as she laughed at something that Mr Logan had said. A bell rang to the side of the room but he didn’t register it, still captivated by the young lady.

 

“Oh dear,” Mrs Deakins sighed as everyone started making their way into the dining room. “I had hoped to be able to introduce you to everyone before dinner. I’m sure that you’ll have a chance to meet everyone before the evening is over.”

 

When Robert didn’t acknowledge her, she asked, “Mr Goren, is everything alright?”

 

Snapping back to attention and dragging his attention away from the group, he replied, “Yes, of course Mrs Deakins.” Offering her his arm, he escorted her into the dining room.

 

Pointing out to him where he would be seated, Mrs Deakins said to Robert, “I’ve seated you near Mr Logan, since you two are already acquainted. And you will be sitting between Miss Benson and Mrs Stabler.” 

 

Slowly the group seated themselves around the table and the servants brought out the first course. Robert found that it was very different to the dinners that he was used to attending, with none of the usual social posturing or competitiveness that was found at London dinner parties. But whilst manners and propriety were observed, the group were open and friendly amongst themselves and it was obvious that they were genuine friends. Although he didn’t know whether his future would involve these people he found that he was enjoying himself and even if this was to be the only dinner he attended with them, he was glad that he had accepted their invitation.

 

Meanwhile the rest of the group, or at least those who were close enough to talk to or observe Mr Goren, were very impressed by the Londoner and decided that they quite liked him. He was very polite and well mannered during dinner, complimenting Mrs Deakins on the food and speaking with all the other guests. He was obviously very intelligent and cultured and was happy to talk about London, although he said very little about himself or his family, other than to say that his mother was unwell and regretted not being able to attend.

 

Whilst the dessert plates were being collected by the servants, Mr Deakins said, “Well, shall we return to the drawing room?”

 

All agreed that this was a good idea and the men escorted the ladies back into the drawing room. They once again separated into small groups scattered around the room and Robert found himself standing alone by one of the windows. However he didn’t mind being alone, for it gave him the opportunity to study the people that he had met that evening. He watched Mrs Stabler talking with Mrs Eames and Mr Deakins and noticed that whilst Mr Stabler was talking with Mr Benson, he kept glancing over at his wife. Without really noticing that he was doing it, Robert reached into his pocket and pulled out a coin, which he started rolling across his knuckles.

 

He looked over at Miss Benson and noticed that she was standing alone. Wondering where her companion had disappeared to, he observed Mr Logan approach the young woman, intent on drawing her into his conversation with the Cragens.

 

“How do you do that?” a voice suddenly asked from beside him.

 

Robert was so startled that he almost dropped his coin as he turned to face Miss Benson’s missing companion.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” she said with a small laugh.

 

“I...um...I beg your pardon?” The manners which had so been admired earlier in the evening seemed to have deserted Robert.

 

“What you were just doing with the coin,” Alexandra clarified. “It looked like you were rolling it across your hand.”

 

“Was I? I didn’t realise.” For as long as he could remember Robert’s hands had always gotten him into trouble, either by gesticulating wildly when he was talking or by fidgeting with whatever item was nearby. He tried to make it a point to keep his hands firmly clasped together when he was doing business, but whenever his mind wandered he seemed to forget himself.

 

“It was quite impressive. Can you show me how you do it?” she asked.

 

“Really?” Robert asked, surprised that a well bred lady would be interested in such a thing. Usually they considered it a lower class parlour trick and dismissed it as irrelevant after seeing it once.

 

“Yes really,” Alexandra said. “Please show me.”

 

“Alright. Here,” he replied, pulling another coin out of his pocket and placing it in Alexandra’s palm.

 

Starting off slowly, Robert showed Alexandra how to lift her fingers so that the coin would appear to be flipping across the back of her hand. She quickly got the hang of it and smiled with pride as she watched herself running the coin backwards and forwards.

 

With a student standing before him, Robert became much more outgoing that he had been all evening and he couldn’t remember the last time he had enjoyed himself so much at a dinner. He felt certain that the young lady in front of him was the main reason for that, for it was rare to meet one that he could so freely converse with on such topics.

 

“Did you drop your coin Mr Goren?” Alexandra asked, noticing that he had stopped manipulating his coin.

 

“I appear to have lost it,” he said, trying unsuccessfully to look puzzled. “Ah, there it is.” Reaching across he extracted it from where it was sitting behind a comb in Alexandra’s hair.

 

“How did you do that?” Alexandra exclaimed. She was certain that his hands had been nowhere in the vicinity of her hair before he had retrieved his coin.

 

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” he said with a mischievous smile.

 

“A magician? Magic? Is that what that was?” she asked.

 

“Have you heard of a man called Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin?”

 

Alexandra shook her head.

 

“He was a Frenchman who was trained as a clockmaker. But he also opened a magic theatre in Paris, which was very popular. He had some incredible illusions,” Robert explained as he continued to retrieve the coin from various spots around them. “I’ve been reading about him and illusions have become somewhat of a hobby of mine.”

 

“It sounds fascinating,” Alexandra replied. Truthfully she had never given much thought to illusions or magic but Robert’s enthusiasm was infectious and she wanted to learn more. “What else can you show me?”

 

“Oh my illusions are child’s play compared to men like Robert-Houdin. He has one illusion where it appears that he can make his son levitate off the ground.”

 

“I’m sure yours are equally impressive,” Alexandra said kindly.

 

“Well, actually, most of mine relate to cards,” he answered honestly, feeling somewhat ashamed.

 

“Oh dear. Well you probably can’t demonstrate those now,” she said, not wanting to outright admit that she would actually like to see them.

 

“Gentleman, if you would care to join me for a game of cards in the library,” Mr Deakins said, interrupting the conversations around the room.

 

“On the other hand, perhaps you will,” Alexandra said somewhat wickedly as Robert stood to join the other men heading towards the library. “Good evening Mr Goren.”

 

“Good evening,” he said, before turning to leave.

 

“Well he’s certainly handsome,” Olivia said, sitting down besides Alexandra.

 

“Yes,” she agreed. “But he’s also...unusual?” Alexandra struggled to describe Robert Goren.

 

“What makes you say that? You appeared to be enjoying your conversation with him,” Olivia asked.

 

“Oh no I was,” Alexandra reassured her. “It was just a strange conversation that’s all. We spoke of magicians and illusionists. I get the feeling that he is quite knowledgeable on the topic.”

 

“Well, it’s not magicians and illusionists, but I have learned more about Mr Goren,” Olivia said, accepting a drink from a passing servant.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“A friend in London wrote me about him. I told her that he had purchased Canarsie House,” she explained seeing Alexandra’s confused look. “Apparently he used to be quite well known in London. He attended all the right events and knew all the right people. He came from a good family and had a significant fortune, despite being a second son. Nobody seems to be quite sure what’s happened to the eldest son. He was considered very eligible and was very popular with the young ladies in London, but he never got close enough to any of them for an engagement to be considered.”

 

“But things changed?” Alexandra asked.

 

“Apparently. Over the past few years he has been seen less and less in public and any of the ladies vying to be Mrs Goren have moved on. My friend wasn’t even aware that he had left London, that how infrequently he has been seen in recent times.”

 

“Perhaps it has to do with his mother?” Alexandra questioned. “If he’s the only one caring for her...”

 

“It would make sense,” Olivia agreed.

 

“But we shouldn’t pry,” she decided, thinking back over what she had learned about the man in question that evening. Whilst he was friendly, charming and willing to converse on most topics, he had said very little about himself or his family and she felt that that was a deliberate decision on his behalf. 

 

“Oh no, of course not,” Olivia exclaimed. “I wasn’t suggesting that we should. I can see why he was so popular in London though, it would be a shame if we didn’t see more of him.”

 

“Well he did say that he was quite enjoying the evening,” Alexandra told Olivia. “So I’m certain we’ll see him again. Perhaps at a ball? I imagine he’s a wonderful dancer.”

 

“Me too,” Olivia grinned, wondering whether this was a sign that Alexandra was interested in getting to know Mr Goren better. Even if she was however, the question still remained whether Mr Goren was similarly interested, considering his recent behaviour in London. Olivia decided that the matter warranted further investigation before she encouraged her friend. “Come, Mrs Stabler looks dreadfully bored over there, we should go rescue her,” she said, leading Alexandra away from the window and leaving the topic of Mr Goren behind them.


	7. Thinking Of

He had left Lewis in the stables that morning, preferring to ride without the distraction of his dog. He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, tossing and turning, and at first light he had dressed and headed out to the open fields that surrounded his home. The cold morning air whistled past his ears as he rode and for the moment it compensated for the lack of sleep he had experienced the night before.

 

Robert was no stranger to sleepless nights. He had experienced them for as long as could remember, ever since he had realised that his mother was different. At first it had been because he worried whether she was going to shout at him for something that he hadn’t done, then it was about his father and whether he would carry out his threat to have his wife locked away and more recently it had been about her doctors. Whether he had chosen the right one, whether he should follow their advice and whether it was going to get to the stage one day where he wouldn’t be able to look after his mother anymore.

 

But instead he had been restless because he had actually enjoyed himself the night before, and that troubled him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had enjoyed himself so much that he had forgotten his troubles, if only for a little while. He almost believed that this group of people, whose only connection seemed to be that they lived near to each other, could become a part of his life. Even if he wasn’t able to see them as frequently as they saw each other, perhaps they would still welcome him every now and then.

 

They appeared to be genuinely nice people and were so different to the people he had socialised with in London. Although he was a stranger they had accepted him at their table without any judgement. There was none of the questioning or testing that occurred in London when someone new wanted to enter a social circle, nor did he have to prove that he was suitably fashionable. Mrs Deakins had gone out of her way to ensure that he felt comfortable and they had all engaged him in conversation and were truly interested in what he had to say.

 

And then there was Alexandra, although he knew he shouldn’t refer to her as such. Outwardly she appeared to be the perfect well-bred country lady, but there was something more to her, an intelligence and a quickness that Robert had rarely seen in anyone else. He couldn’t deny that he thought she was beautiful, he had recognised that fact the moment she had been pointed out to him from across the room. But it was the conversation they had shared after dinner that had convinced him that she was special. Never had he known a woman to initiate a conversation like that, at least not without an ulterior motive. He had been approached in London by women claiming an interest in certain topics when he was younger but they had only been interested in trying to convince him that they would be a good wife or luring him to their bed.

 

He knew that she had only initiated the conversation out of politeness; he was the stranger amongst them and had been inadvertently abandoned. But he felt certain that there had been genuine interest in her eyes as he had taught her to roll the coin and spoke of French magicians. They had not had the chance to speak about her, but he wondered whether, like him, she might have interests that were not what one might immediately attribute to an individual of her standing. Or even if she didn’t, whether she was the type of person eager to learn about everything around her.  He wondered whether he might have the chance to talk with her again.

 

But he was getting ahead of himself and he had allowed his daydreams to race ahead of his reality. He had moved to the country for his mother’s health, nothing more and he couldn’t allow his thoughts to be waylaid, even if there was something about Alexandra that told him he needed to do this. So with a sigh as he suddenly realised how long he had been riding, he turned his horse around and returned to the house.

 

* * *

 

“Well, how was it?” Frances asked impatiently when Robert came to visit her that evening. She hadn’t had a good day, Miss Olivet feeling that she wasn’t well enough to venture outside or even out of her room. But it didn’t matter how bad her day had been Robert would always make sure that he spoke to her, even if some nights she did nothing more than hurl abuse at him.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she said accusingly. “You had a good time and you don’t want to share any of that joy with me. You think I should just rot away in this room!”

 

“No Ma, you know that’s not true,” Robert said, somewhat sternly.”I’m here, just like I always am.”

 

“So you’ll tell me about the dinner?” she pleaded.

 

“Of course. Why don’t you just get into bed,” he said, pulling back the covers. “And I’ll tell you all about it.

 

Somewhat calmer now with the promise of hearing about the dinner, Frances followed her son’s advice and climbed into her bed. Miss Olivet smoothed down the covers and made sure that she was comfortable before Robert dismissed her and she retired to the bedroom that was adjacent to Frances’s.

 

“Well it was a very nice dinner and the house was beautiful Ma, you would have loved it. The guests were so friendly, not at all like the people you meet in London. They all sent their best wishes to you. The hosts were Mr and Mrs Deakins...”

 

“They’re our neighbours aren’t they?” Frances interrupted.

 

“They are,” Robert smiled. “And as soon as I arrived Mrs Deakins introduced me to all her other guests.”

 

“Such nice manners,” Frances mused.

 

“Mr and Mrs Deakins have three children, all girls. They were supposed to be in bed but I think I saw at least one of them peeking through the door when we were having dessert. There was Mr and Mrs Cragen, they would be about your age Ma. I don’t think they had any children, or if they do they didn’t mention them.” Robert thought about this for a moment but then shook his head. “Mr and Mrs Stabler were also there, they have four children, three daughters and a son. They were probably the same age as the Deakinses, perhaps a bit younger. Mr Benson was there with his daughter, unfortunately his wife passed away a few years ago.”

 

“Mr Benson? Was his name Edward Benson?” Frances asked.

 

“Yes. Why? Do you know him?”

 

“Never met him,” Frances said with a careless flick of her hand. “But I remember hearing something about an Edward Benson some years ago; there was something strange about his wife...”

 

“Ah, well,” Robert continued, eager to move away from the topic of gossip about other people’s family members. One benefit of Frances leaving the house so infrequently was that she wasn’t aware of most of the gossip that surrounded the Goren name. “There was Mr and Mrs Eames, they have three grown children, two daughters and a son, and one of their daughters accompanied them. And of course there was Mr Logan, you remember me telling you about him, don’t you Ma?”

 

Frances nodded as she tried to keep track of all the people that Robert had just told her about.

 

“The meal was delicious. We had a creamy vegetable soup to start and then...”

 

“So there were two young ladies in attendance?” Frances interrupted again. “And neither of them were accompanied by a husband?”

 

“Yes and I’m not sure whether they were married. They both attended with their parents and nobody spoke of their husbands,” Robert replied warily.

 

“Wonderful!” Frances exclaimed. “Tell me about them. Were they very accomplished young ladies?”

 

“I’m...I don’t know Ma,” Robert said. “It didn’t exactly come up in conversation. But they were both very well mannered,” he offered.

 

“Well what did they look like? What did you speak to them about?” she persisted.

 

“Miss Benson was quite tall, and had dark hair. She seemed to be a very independent lady and conversed equally with the men around her. I spoke with her mostly about London.”

 

“And Miss Eames?” Frances pushed.

 

Robert unconsciously smiled at the mention of Alexandra. “She was petite with dark blonde hair. She had a quiet strength to her. Quite intelligent too. I didn’t have a chance to speak with her during dinner, she was sitting at the other end of the table, but I was able to speak with her afterwards in the drawing room. She caught me rolling a coin…”

 

“Oh no Robert not that vulgar habit,” Frances scolded.

 

Choosing not to respond to his mother’s comment he continued, “And asked me if I could teach her. She was a very quick learner and we spoke of Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin.”

 

“Really Robert, how could you?” Frances said crossly. “You cannot speak to young ladies about such things. I doubt her parents will ever let you near her again. If anyone even invites you. I’m sure she’s told all of them about your behaviour.”

 

“It was not that terrible,” Robert said dryly. “I’m certain they won’t make me an outcast merely for talking about a magician.”

 

But Frances wasn’t listening. “You’ll have to focus on Miss Benson instead. I’m sure she’s a lovely young lady. Besides, a tall brunette would look simply charming beside you.”

 

“I think she actually quite enjoyed our conversation. As I said she was very eager to learn and she smiled so sweetly when she mastered the trick,” Robert continued.

 

Evidently Frances wasn’t entirely ignoring her son because his comment about Alexandra’s smile registered with her. “She had a beautiful smile?”

 

“Yes,” Robert agreed as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“And you would like to get to know her better?”

 

“Yes.” Suddenly Robert recognised where his mother was going with this particular line of questioning and felt a fool for walking into her trap. He sighed. “Yes Ma, she was a lovely young woman and I do find her...beautiful, but that isn’t something that I can focus on at the moment.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Frances said.

 

“Ma,” Robert started, reaching across the bed to take his mother’s hand. “We moved here, away from London, because the doctor thought that it would help you get better. That is what we need to focus on. Nothing else matters. Between you and business in London you know that I don’t have time for anything else, certainly not courting.”

 

“I’m not talking about courting like you used to in London, I’m talking about taking a wife. Besides, you’re a smart boy Robert, I’m sure you can manage to do it all,” Frances praised him.

 

“Ma...”

 

“No Robert,” she stopped him. “I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it. You shouldn’t be putting your life on hold for me. You’re not as young as you used to and you need a wife! These ladies who have been born and raised in the country sound much nicer than any of the young ladies you ever knew in London.” Whilst they were speaking Frances had remembered what she had heard years ago about Edward Benson and his wife Serena and the gossip that had plagued the family. If these people were willing to overlook the Benson family history then she felt much more confident that they would be accepting of her troubles. If Robert had married any of the ladies in London she felt certain that they would have been pushing Robert to send her to a sanatorium before the wedding trip was over.

 

“Ma you know that I would never marry anyone who didn’t love you as much as I do,” Robert tried to reassure her.

 

“Besides I want grandchildren. That would probably do my health better than country air!” she sneered, flinging herself onto her side.

 

Silently Robert thought that his mother made a good point. Country air would only do his mother so much good if there was no life surrounding her. Having a family, young children in the house to love, surely that would be better than being locked up with only her grown son for company. But it was not something that he could achieve overnight, if at all. He knew that it would take an extraordinary woman to willingly come into his home and he wonder whether his mother was right, and that a country lady, such as Alexandra, could be the one who was capable of doing so.

 

However the conversation was over for the night, Frances having turned her back on Robert, and Robert had learned long ago never to push his mother into a conversation when she was in one of these moods. But as he left her room he couldn’t stop thinking about what they had spoken about and Alexandra didn’t leave his thoughts until he fell asleep. 


	8. A Subtle Warning

Robert knew that strictly speaking he was not sufficiently acquainted with Edward Benson to be making this call but he had been unable to think of an alternative solution. The week that had just passed had been one of the worst that he could remember and even the endlessly patient Miss Olivet was at the end of her tether and in a heated moment had threatened to quit. It was become more and more obvious that Frances needed stability in her life if her mental state was to remain even remotely balanced and Robert forever going to London for a few days and then returning was too disruptive.

 

Despite the wealth that he had at his disposal he couldn’t risk entirely abandoning his business ventures but he needed to find a way to better manage them from Hertfordshire and eliminate the need to go to London so often. Which was why he was currently going to see Edward Benson. Between what he had learned of the man at the Deakins’s dinner party and his mother’s second hand gossip about the Benson family Robert realised that in some ways the man was quite similar to himself. He too had dealt with family issues which meant that he couldn’t stray too far from home yet he had managed to become one of the most successful businessmen in the district. Robert needed to know how he managed it and hoped that the older man would be willing to give him some advice. Once he thought of speaking with Mr Benson he became so eager to do so that he didn’t even consider social niceties until he was in his carriage.

 

Mr Benson had seemed a pleasant and quite reasonable gentleman at the Deakins’s dinner and Robert felt that he wouldn’t immediately turn him away when he heard his rather bold request. He didn’t think that the people in this part of the country were quite as competitive as those in London but still he wanted to make it clear to Mr Benson that he didn’t wish to compete with him and that any advice that he could give would be very gratefully received. Robert had no doubt that there were men in London whom he was acquainted with that could give him similar advice but he did not want the accompanying gossip and trusted that Mr Benson would keep their discussion confidential.

 

Getting out of his carriage Robert walked up the stairs and knocked on the front door. His approach up the drive must have been noticed by someone in the household for the door was immediately opened.

 

“May I help you?” a young man, obviously a member of Mr Benson’s staff, asked.

 

“Yes, I wanted to speak with Mr Edward Benson,” Robert replied.

 

“Mr Benson isn’t expecting any visitors,” he said firmly, blocking the entrance to the house.

 

“Uh, no he wouldn’t be,” Robert said apologetically. “My name is Robert Goren. I met Mr Benson a few weeks ago at a dinner held by Mr and Mrs Deakins.”

 

The young man nodded in recognition.

 

“I was hoping to speak with Mr Benson about some business matters.”

 

“I’m afraid Mr Benson is currently meeting with one of his business partners. However if you are happy to wait I can show you through to the library where you can wait for him?”

 

“Yes, thank you,” Robert agreed, pleased that he wasn’t being sent away. “Uh...?”

 

“O’Halloran sir,” the servant supplied.

 

“Thank you O’Halloran.”

 

The house seemed very quiet and empty as Robert followed O’Halloran through to the library and he remember that it was likely only Mr Benson and his daughter that lived here. He refused O’Halloran’s offer to send a maid up with some tea and started to focus on exactly what he was going to say.

 

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard someone walking along the corridor outside the library. They must have been pacing for a few seconds later he heard the same footfall going in the other direction. He was starting to wonder whether one of the servants had been sent to keep an eye on him whilst he waited for Mr Benson when the door opened and Miss Benson entered the room.

“Mr Goren,” she exclaimed smiling. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

 

Immediately getting to his feet, Robert returned her greeting, “Good afternoon Miss Benson. I apologise for appearing so unexpectedly.”

 

“Not at all,” she replied. “I do hope everything is alright. Your mother,” she clarified.

 

“Ah yes, as well as can be expected,” he responded, surprised that she would think to mention his mother.  It was clear she didn’t know why he was there; obviously she had not spoken to O’Halloran. “I came to speak with your father; I was hoping to get some business advice from him.”

 

“Well I’m sure he’ll be able to help you,” Olivia confirmed.  “He’s with one of his business partners, a Mr Schiff, at the moment but I’m sure he won’t be long.”

 

“Yes, your servant O’Halloran already explained that your father was busy. I should have written to your father and arranged a more convenient time,” he mused, suddenly feeling even more foolish now that another person knew of his poorly thought out plan.

 

“Really it’s alright,” Olivia said. She was starting to understand why Alexandra had called him unusual. He seemed a very nice gentleman, but there was something odd about him, almost as though he didn’t fit properly.

 

“Thank you. I can only hope your father is as understanding as you are.”

 

“He will,” she replied. “What sort of advice did you want from my father? If you don’t mind me asking.”

 

Not a man to hold back information from a lady simply because of her gender, Robert explained, “Travelling between here and London so frequently is becoming difficult so I wanted to speak with your father about any business opportunities he might be aware of that would require less frequent travel.”

 

Olivia understood immediately what he was talking about, remembering back to a time when her mother was alive and what it had been like at home when her father was in London. “I’m sure he’ll be able to give you some helpful advice,” she said. “In the meantime I’d be happy to keep you company whilst you wait. It will give us a chance to get to know each other,” she smiled.

 

“That isn’t necessary Miss Benson, I’m sure you have other things to attend to,” Robert said, not wanting to put her out and feeling slightly uncomfortable in her presence.

 

“Not at all. Would you like some tea?”

 

“No, thank you,” he replied.

 

“Have you made many alterations to Canarsie House?” Olivia enquired. “We noticed there were many tradesmen on the property before you and your mother arrived.”

 

“Some of the rooms needed repairs, unfortunately it had not been well maintained,” Robert explained, watching as Olivia nodded in acknowledgement. “But otherwise it looks very similar to how the previous owners had it. Decorating is not my forte.”

 

“Perhaps it needs a woman’s touch?” she said lightly and Robert immediately recognised the mildly flirtatious tone in her voice.

 

“Perhaps,” he said, smiling politely.

 

“Do you still keep a home in London?”

 

“There is a family home in London, however I had it closed up when my mother and I came here. It seems unlikely that we will be returning any time soon,” he answered.

 

“But you still have business in London. Where do you stay?” It was a smart question and Robert started to wonder whether young women in the country were generally more intelligent than their counterparts in London.

 

“In a hotel,” he explained. “It’s quite a large home and it’s not practical to keep it open for my occasional visits.” Whilst others may keep such a home running for occasional visits, Robert could not see the sense in doing so.

 

“Well perhaps one day you will have cause to open it up once more. It’s always nice to be able to visit London, although I like being able to return home.”

 

Robert smiled, remembering what Mr Logan had told him about the young women always wanting to hear the latest news from London.  “Yes, it is very different here compared to London.”

 

“You are pleased that you moved here then?” Olivia asked. “You don’t miss London?”

 

“No,” Robert said, shaking his head. “Coming to the country was what was best for my mother and so far I’m finding that country life suits me as well.”

 

“Wonderful,” Olivia exclaimed. “Everyone will be so pleased to hear that, we so enjoyed having you at the dinner the other evening.”

 

“It was a charming evening,” Robert agreed.

 

“Well we’ll have to make sure that you are invited to the next dinner,” Olivia said.

 

“Do you hold any other gatherings? Apart from dinners,” he asked.

 

“Oh yes, we’ll have picnics that the children can attend and balls,” she detailed.

 

“Balls?” Robert questioned. “I noticed that that there were an uneven number of ladies and gentleman and that there were many married couples the other evening. Do you have other young men, people,” he quickly corrected himself, “That attend?”

 

Olivia immediately caught what he had said and considered why he could be interested in the number of couples at a ball. This wasn’t merely small talk anymore; he was trying to find something out. She suddenly remembered what Alexandra said that she had spoken to Mr Goren about at the dinner, magicians and illusionists. Surely not a topic many young women would show a genuine interest in and Olivia felt certain that Mr Goren would be able to tell whether his companion was genuinely interested in what he was saying. She tried to remember seeing him talking with Alexandra at the dinner, he had certainly appeared happier and more open than he had at the dinner table.

 

Was Mr Goren interested in courting Alexandra? Olivia recalled what her friend in London had said; he had never done anything improper although he had certainly broken a number of hearts in his younger years. Whilst it was clear that he had changed, Olivia didn’t know whether he had changed enough. Stalling for a moment, she asked, “Do you dance Mr Goren?”

 

“Yes,” he replied, slightly concerned that she had avoided his question.

 

She didn’t respond for a moment, still thinking about Alexandra. Although she had downplayed it on the night, Olivia had seen how much she had enjoyed her conversation with Mr Goren that night and she couldn’t recall having seen her smile like that since Joseph had died. During the silly conversation she had had with Alexandra about a year after Joseph’s death, when Alexandra had said that she wouldn’t marry again, Olivia had told her that someone would come along one day. Perhaps Mr Goren was that man? There had certainly been men who had shown an interest in Alexandra during the past few years but it had never even been remotely returned, until perhaps now. She decided to take the risk.

 

“Alexandra is widowed,” she said bluntly.

 

“Excuse me?” Robert asked, immediately aware that she had worked out exactly what he was trying to do, although he had not expected to hear that.

 

“That is why you are asking isn’t it? You’re trying to find out more about her,” she stated firmly. “Alexandra was married, her husband died in a hunting accident approximately three years ago.”

 

“I didn’t realise...” Robert murmured.

 

“Why would you? They had only been married for three years and it was very hard on her. She prefers not to speak of it.”

 

“Then why are...?” Robert asked.

 

“Telling you?” she completed his question. “Because I saw her speaking with you at the dinner. And I think that if you want to get to know her further, you should know this.” The flirtatious nature of earlier was gone and the warning in her voice was clear.

 

At that moment O’Halloran returned. “Mr Benson is able to see you now,” he said.

 

As Robert got to his feet to follow the servant, Olivia remained in the library and called out, “Think about it Mr Goren, before you take any further action.”

 

Although Robert had to immediately turn his mind to business for his conversation with Mr Benson, Miss Benson’s words continued to haunt him. Whilst the matter of Alexandra being a widow had no impact on how he felt about her, he wondered how his feelings could have been so obvious to Miss Benson. She had certainly been giving him a clear warning and he suddenly wanted to show everyone that he was good enough for Alexandra and it almost scared him how intense these feelings that he had were. 


	9. Second Thoughts

If his driver had been surprised at Robert’s request to take him directly to the Cragens’s property he hadn’t let it show. He had been attending to business in London but he was determined that he wasn’t going to miss the Cragens’s ball and more importantly, the opportunity to see Alexandra again. After his conversation with Miss Benson he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. He needed to know whether this was just a fleeting infatuation because she had shown an interest in one of his hobbies or whether it was something more. Deep down he knew it was something more, not only because he wasn’t a callow youth who would be so easily swayed, but because he had noticed her before they had ever spoken. There was something about her that drew him to her and he wanted to know if she felt it too.

 

When Marge Cragen’s invitation had arrived he had immediately sent back word that he would be attending, not caring that he might look overeager. However in his enthusiasm he had forgotten that he needed to go to London that week. But he wasn’t going to allow that to stop him. He decided that he would leave London in the afternoon, whereas normally he would have stayed the night and left the next morning. Knowing that it wasn’t going to be the type of ball where one could appear fashionably late, Robert had written to Mrs Cragen apologising for the circumstances and asking whether it would be acceptable for him to arrive later in the evening, after the meal but in time for the dancing.  She had very kindly written back saying that he would still be welcome and that they would expect him some time after the meal had concluded.

 

When Frances had been told that Robert was attending the Cragens’ ball she had been thrilled.  She was pleased that this time she wouldn’t have to convince him to go and she felt that this group of people would be much better for him than those he had associated with in London. That Mrs Cragen was happy for him to arrive late because he had other business to attend to was also most impressive.

 

Before Robert had left for London Frances had attempted to speak with him about Alexandra. He hadn’t told her of his conversation with Miss Benson, so she wasn’t aware that there were potential impediments on Alexandra’s side that may prevent a relationship developing between the two young people. Frances was determined that some good would come from this move for her son and as far as she was concerned a wife would be ideal. Since he had already found a woman whom he felt an affinity with, so much the better. But she was still concerned about what sort of impression her son had made on the young woman in question with his talk of magicians and illusionists. So she had told him that he needed to make a good impression and tried to extract a promise that there would be no talk of magic, instead he needed to stick to more socially acceptable topics. Robert, who rarely refused his mother anything, did not make this promise.

 

He could hear the music echoing through the house when he arrived and he paused for a moment behind the servant to straighten his clothing. When he entered the room that had been set up for dancing he immediately scanned the room, looking for Alexandra. Remembering what Miss Benson had told him he had expected her to be standing on the sidelines and he had hoped that he might have been able to convince her to share a dance with him. What he found however was entirely the opposite. Alexandra was in the centre of the dance floor, happily dancing in the arms of Michael Logan.

 

He tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter even as he felt his heart sinking in disappointment. Thankfully his attention was drawn away from the waltzing couple when Mrs Stabler, who was not dancing, appeared at his side to greet him and to ask after his mother. He explained to her that he had only just returned from London and hadn’t yet had a chance to go to Canarsie House, but that he employed an extremely reliable nurse and that he was certain she was being well cared for. If anything did happen Miss Olivet always knew where to find him. Mrs Stabler seemed extremely interested in the fact that he had hired a personal nurse and they continued to talk. When the music ended and the couples separated, Robert asked Mrs Stabler if she would like to be his partner for the next dance, which she readily agreed to, despite the questioning look she saw her husband give her as they walked onto the floor.

 

It had been many months since he had last danced, before he had made the move to Hertfordshire, and dancing with Mrs Stabler he realised how much he had missed it. So once the music had ended and he thanked Mrs Stabler for being a delightful partner, he had immediately sought out a partner for the next dance. The ladies all commented on his skill as a dancer, for he danced with each of them twice, with the exception of Alexandra, with whom he only danced once. Although with the exception of Olivia, no one seemed to notice.

 

Robert believed that he had been quite equitable in his choice of dancing partners, which was more than could be said for Mr Logan, who danced with Alexandra three times, whilst only dancing with Mrs Cragen once. What Robert failed to notice was that Mr Logan had also danced with Miss Benson three times and the only reason he had only shared one dance with Mrs Cragen was because she had pleaded tiredness.

 

He had learned at the previous gathering that the Eameses and the Logans had both lived in Hertfordshire for many generations and that Alexandra, Mr Logan and Miss Benson had grown up together. Robert imagined that amongst such families the possibility of a match between Mr Logan and one of the young ladies would have been considered, possibly even encouraged.  However as he watched Alexandra smile as Mr Logan lead her to the dance floor for yet another dance, he seemed to forget about the existence of Miss Benson.

 

Although he had no real knowledge of the relationship between Alexandra and Mr Logan, Robert nonetheless started to imagine what it could be like. They had grown up together, so they were bound to be held closely in one another’s hearts. Mr Logan had no doubt loved Alexandra for as long as he could remember and had wanted to wait until they were old enough before he made an offer. But then the man who would become her husband came into their lives and won her heart and her hand. Mr Logan would have assumed that there was nothing more to be done and tried to move on. When her husband had died Mr Logan would have seen that amongst the tragedy he had been given a second chance, but knew that he had to wait until Alexandra had had a chance to properly mourn for her husband. A number of years had passed and Mr Logan wasn’t going to let her slip from his grasp again.

 

He was being ridiculous; Robert scolded himself, for too many reasons to count. All he knew for certain was that Alexandra and Mr Logan had grown up together, were friends and that she was widowed. And that they had shared three dances together this evening. He should not be thinking along these lines. He was in no position to court someone, let alone marry them, despite what his mother said. To add to his foolishness, he had now shared one conversation and one dance with Alexandra, hardly enough time to determine if she would be a compatible marriage partner for him. He had his mother to take care of; he could hardly give her the time she would need if she were his wife. And what if there were children? He doubted that a man who appeared as carefree as Michael Logan had any such impediments in his life. Perhaps it would be best if he removed himself from the currently one sided competition and allowed matters to develop between Mr Logan and Alexandra.

 

It was at the moment that Robert was making this decision that the gentleman in question appeared at his side. “Good evening Mr Goren,” he said good naturedly. “We haven’t had a chance to talk all evening.”

 

“Good evening,” Robert replied stiffly, not quite ready to concede gracefully. “No we have not.”

 

“I suppose it’s the lure of so many charming potential dance partners,” he continued.

 

“I’m sure,” Robert said, certain that Mr Logan was thinking of one partner in particular.

 

“Have you been enjoying the ball?” Mr Logan enquired.

 

“I have,” Robert replied, watching the ladies as they gathered at the refreshments table.

 

Whilst Michael had only truly conversed with Robert on two occasions, when they first met and at the Deakins’s dinner party, he was quite confident that the man usually spoke significantly more than he currently was. Taking in the grim look on Mr Goren’s face, Michael concluded that he had obviously had a long day and would prefer the less mentally taxing activity of dancing, rather than conversation.

 

“The next dance will be starting in a few minutes; I suppose we should find partners. Excuse me,” he concluded, giving himself an excuse to end their conversation. 

 

In focusing on Mr Logan’s interactions with Alexandra, Robert had failed to realise that he was also being watched. By Miss Olivia Benson. And it had been clear to her that he was trying to stay away from Alexandra. If anyone else had noticed that he had only danced once with Alexandra they weren’t saying anything. She knew that it could merely be a coincidence, but the way he was watching Alexandra told her otherwise. Truthfully he was watching her so intently she was surprised that Alexandra hadn’t noticed yet.

 

After her conversation with Mr Goren Olivia had started to wonder whether she had done the right thing. He had only met Alexandra once so perhaps Olivia had been far too forward in her conversation. But she didn’t think that was the case. She could tell that he had been paying close attention to what she was saying and that he would give careful consideration to what she had said. He didn’t seem like the type of man who would be so shallow as to reject Alexandra simply because she was a widow.

 

If, on the other hand, he was so shallow, perhaps it was best that it happened now, before Alexandra had the chance to get too attached to him. However in many ways the man was still a mystery, and for all that Olivia knew, there could be other reasons why he would avoid Alexandra, entirely unrelated to the information that Olivia had given him.

 

“Why are you not dancing?”Alexandra asked, taking a seat next to Olivia.

 

“I was taking a break,” she replied. “This room, it’s quite warm.”

 

“It is,” Alexandra agreed. “But not unbearably so. We could take a walk outside, if you would like?”

 

“No, we can stay. I just need a few minutes.”

 

“You were looking very serious a moment ago. Is something the matter?” Alexandra asked.

 

“I was just thinking about our newest guest,” Olivia commented, nodding in the direction of Mr Goren.

 

“Mr Goren? What about him?” Alexandra said, fanning herself.

 

“He’s a very good dancer. Although I noticed that you have only shared one dance with him,” Olivia said slowly.

 

“Really? I hadn’t noticed. You however must have been paying very close attention!” Alexandra exclaimed, grinning.

 

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Olivia said, knowing where Alexandra’s mind was heading. “It’s just that after the time you spent together at the Deakins’s party I thought that he would have asked you to dance more than once.”

 

“I’m certain he doesn’t mean anything by it,” Alexandra assured Olivia. “After all we barely know each other. Come to the refreshment table, I need a drink,” she said, getting to her feet, forcing Olivia to follow and leaving the topic of Robert Goren behind them. 


	10. A Puzzle Solved

“Maybe you should go inside and see where she is?” Michael suggested to Olivia.

 

“And disturb the entire household at this time of morning?” she retorted. “No. This was your idea, maybe you should go inside.”

 

“Alright we’ll wait a bit. But if she’s too much longer the morning will be wasted.”

 

“The morning has barely begun!” Olivia exclaimed.

 

“You know what I mean,” Michael said, sounding slightly grumpy that Olivia still hadn’t come around to the beauty of his plan.

 

The past few weeks had seen a final change in Alexandra and she was almost back to the fun and carefree woman she had been before her marriage. Or at least as close as she was ever going to be. And Michael had taken advantage of the change by convincing her to come along on one of his early morning rides. Once Michael and Alexandra had agreed to the outing Olivia had succumbed to their pleading and agreed to go along as well.

 

“Well if you won’t go inside, maybe you should do something else. Go around to her bedroom window perhaps,” Olivia suggested, whilst attempting to smother a yawn. She wanted nothing more at the moment than to return to her bed, but she knew that once they started to ride the speed of the animal beneath her and the fresh air rushing past her would wake up her properly.

 

“And what, throw pebbles at her window?” Michael scoffed.

 

“Well we can’t wait here all morning.” Her growing annoyance with Michael was making her more alert than any horse ride would have been able to.

 

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Alexandra exclaimed as she rushed around the corner of the house to the stables, tying the ribbons on her bonnet as she did so. She had obviously come through the kitchen entrance in order to take a shortcut through the house.

 

“We haven’t been waiting long,” Olivia told her.

 

“What? Yes we...” Upon seeing Olivia’s glare Michael reconsidered what he was going to say, “Have only just arrived ourselves.”

 

But Alexandra didn’t seem to notice what her two friends were saying and hurried into the stables, calling out behind her, “Kenneth was ill last night so I still need to saddle my horse. I won’t be long.”

 

“Maybe we should cancel and try another morning,” Olivia sighed.

 

“Absolutely not!” Michael exclaimed. “I’ve finally managed to get the two of you here; we are going for this ride.”

 

Olivia could feel her horse getting restless as they stood outside the stables waiting for Alexandra and nudging it slightly she started leading the horse in a slow walk around the courtyard.

 

Despite Alexandra’s dismissive attitude towards Mr Goren’s treatment of her the night of the ball at the Cragen’s, it remained a puzzle to Olivia, one that she wasn’t going to let go until she had solved it.

 

Her friend in London had told her that Mr Goren was quite popular amongst the ladies but that he was never overly attached to anyone in particular. Perhaps his conduct was simply an example of that aspect of his nature? But then that would not explain why he had been discretely trying to ask Olivia about Alexandra. And whilst that sort of conduct may be acceptable in London, country life was very different and he would quickly find that he would soon run out of friendly companions if he were fickle with his affections. Olivia felt certain that there was something more to it.

 

“What do you think of Mr Goren?” she asked Michael suddenly.

 

“He seems a pleasant gentleman,” Michael replied. “But you’ve met him almost as much as I have. Why do you ask?”

 

Ignoring his question Olivia continued to proceed with her own questions. “Have you spoken to anyone in London about him?”

 

Michael shook his head. “You should speak with you father if you want to know about London. After all he was the first one to learn anything about Mr Goren.”

 

“He only had that one conversation with Mr Stone months ago. He hasn’t heard anything since,” Olivia said. However her back was turned to Michael and she was on the other side of the courtyard so he didn’t hear her reply. Turning back to face Michael she directed the horse to back to where she had come from. “But surely you have spoken with him more I have.”

 

“I don’t know, I haven’t been keeping a record of our conversations,” Michael remarked.

 

“Well what type of gentleman did he appear to be?” Olivia asked impatiently. “Do you think he could be the type of gentleman who could be unfeeling towards a lady, who would trifle with her affections?”

 

“What are you talking about?” Michael asked, fearing that his plans for a relaxing ride were quickly coming to an end. “Do you think he has been improper in his conduct towards you?” The last thing that Michael wanted to do was become involved in Olivia’s romantic entanglements.

 

“No, not towards me. Alexandra,” Olivia explained.

 

Michael just looked at her blankly.

 

Olivia barely held back a groan. “Didn’t you see Alexandra talking with Mr Goren at the Deakins’s dinner party? After the meal had ended they were seated by the window together.”

 

He couldn’t recall seeing them together but he nonetheless asked. “How could he do anything improper during one conversation in a crowded room?”

 

“That’s not what I’m saying! Do you really think Mr Cragen would have invited him into his home if he had done anything improper to Alexandra?”

 

“Of course not. But I don’t know what you are trying to tell me,” Michael replied.

 

“Alright,” Olivia started. “Alexandra spoke with Mr Goren at the Deakins’s dinner. She said she only started the conversation because she saw that he was standing on his own, but she said it was still a very pleasant conversation. I did see them and I must say it was the most lively I saw Mr Goren the entire evening. He certainly made an impression on Alexandra as well. But to be honest I really didn’t give the matter anymore thought until he appeared at the house.”

 

“Your house?” Michael questioned.

 

“Yes,” Olivia nodded. “He just appeared on our doorstep one morning wanting to speak with Father regarding some business matters. Father was meeting with Mr Schiff at the time so O’Halloran had him wait in the library. I didn’t even know he was in the house until I walked past the library. So I spoke with him about Canarsie House and the party. But he started asking questions about other events that our group holds and whether there were any young men who attended. He tried to hide it but it was clear what he was asking.”

 

“Really Olivia, if you were a man I would say that you should join Scotland Yard,” Michael commented.

 

“Well think about it. It appears that the most enjoyable part of his evening was a conversation that he shared with Alexandra and then he starts asking about other young men. Those who may be interested in courting Alexandra for example?” she hinted heavily.

 

“Perhaps. But that doesn’t mean anything will come of it.” After going through their families, any man who wanted to court Alexandra or Olivia would also have to meet with Michael’s approval as well.

 

“I know. But still I thought that he should be aware of Alexandra’s circumstances, before he made any decisions about whether he wanted to pursue things any further,” Olivia explained.

 

“Joseph,” Michael stated.

 

“Exactly. I didn’t want a situation to develop where Alexandra might become attached to this man only to have him reject her when he discovered she was a widow. So I told him,” she said bluntly.

 

“Does she know that you’ve told him?” he asked.

 

“No. But she won’t mind. It’s hardly a secret and its better for all that he finds out sooner.”

 

“Let me rephrase,” Michael tried again. “Does she know that you’ve been interfering?”

 

“It’s not as though I’m attempting to play matchmaker,” Olivia countered.

 

“Of course,” Michael agreed.

 

“So I told him and it seemed at the time that he was going to be perfectly accepting of the fact, but now I’m starting to think otherwise.”

 

“I don’t know him well,” Michael cautioned. “But he doesn’t appear to be the type of gentleman who would be bothered by such a thing.”

 

“That’s what I thought,” Olivia agreed.

 

“It’s hardly the type of thing to do when you are surrounded by her family and friends. Everyone in the area knows who Alexandra is and who Joseph was. He wouldn’t have many friends left if he made those feelings known. And I get the feeling that he is planning on staying in Hertfordshire indefinitely. He’s purchased Canarsie House and hasn’t spoken of returning to London,” Michael said.

 

“No. I believe he is determined to make Hertfordshire home for his mother and himself. That was one of the reasons he spoke with Father, he doesn’t want to have to go to London so often for business.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“But if that is all true then why did he virtually ignore her at the ball the other evening?” Olivia questioned.

 

“He didn’t ignore her, I saw them dancing,” Michael pointed out.

 

“Once,” Olivia emphasised.” He danced with everyone else at least twice.”

 

“That doesn’t mean he was ignoring her. It’s probably just a coincidence.” Michael, leaning over to rub the mane of his horse, who was also getting restless. “Perhaps he was just in poor spirits. After all he had just travelled from London, he was probably tired. That would also explain why I could barely get two words from him.”

 

“But he was watching her. There has to be more to it,” Olivia insisted.

 

“He was watching her?” Michael questioned, suddenly realising what may have happened. “If you’re correct and Mr Goren is interested in Alexandra, then I think I may know what has happened.”

 

“What?”

 

“I danced with Alexandra at least three times that evening. If Mr Goren was watching her then he would have seen that. It would also explain why he was so short tempered with me when I attempted to start a conversation with him.”

 

“He thought that you were already courting Alexandra and that he had lost his chance,” Olivia said, following Michael’s train of thought. “But you danced with me just as much as you danced with Alexandra and nobody has ever given any serious thought to the idea of you courting either of us.”

 

“Ah but one, Mr Goren wasn’t watching you, he was watching Alexandra. And two, everyone else in attendance has known us for our entire lives and that the idea of me courting either one of you is absurd. Mr Goren does not. As far as he is concerned the thought may be perfectly reasonable, as it would be to any outsider who joined our circle.”

 

“That would make sense,” Olivia agreed, feeling much better about the entire situation. If they were right, this was a matter that could be easily resolved with a few pointed comments.

 

“But you still don’t know whether you’re right about his interest. It could just be that he was making conversation and you’re reading too much into the situation,” he cautioned her.

 

“No, I think I’m right about this, we just need to see how things proceed from here,” Olivia said confidently.

 

“Are you even sure that Alexandra is ready?” he questioned, not knowing how she felt about the idea of marrying again.

 

“Yes I am ready Michael,” Alexandra said, riding out of the stable. “Has anyone ever told you that you are very impatient?”

 

“Never,” he grinned.

 

“A likely story,” she retorted. “Were you two talking about the ball the other evening?” At their matching questioning looks she clarified, “I heard you say that you danced with me three times Michael, but I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation.”

 

“Well we were talking about the ball,” Olivia started, wondering whether she should mention Mr Goren to see how Alexandra reacted.

 

“But before that we were talking about the dinner at the Deakins’s,” Michael interrupted, keen to start riding. He knew that if Olivia dragged Alexandra into a conversation about Mr Goren they would never leave. “Time to go,” he said, kicking his horse into a trot and leading the ladies out of the courtyard and into the fields. 


	11. Confirmation

It didn’t take long for Alexandra and Olivia to agree with Michael’s declaration that there was something special about taking a ride so early in the morning and that it was certainly worth leaving the warm comfort of their beds. Olivia, who had needed the most convincing in the first place, had even gone so far as to declare that she wanted to do it again. He had led them across the Eames property and out onto the laneway that took them to the Deakins’s property, where he usually rode. He believed that were some spectacular sights at this time of the morning and he was keen for the two ladies to see them.

 

They had just reached the wooded area on the perimeter of the property when Alexandra caught sight of another horse and rider in the distance. At first she thought that it was Mr Deakins, but on closer inspection she realised that the rider was much broader than him. Slowing her horse down so that she rode abreast from Michael, she asked, “Do you know who that rider is?”

 

Knowing that this side of the property wasn’t far from Canarsie House, Michael urged his horse into a trot and called over his shoulder, “I have a fair idea.”

 

“What’s he doing?” Olivia asked, sounding slightly alarmed as she watched the antics of her friend.

 

Alexandra shrugged, less concerned than Olivia. “He obviously knows who that gentleman is.”

 

“Mr Goren,” Michael greeted as he rode up to Robert. “Good morning.”

 

“Good morning Mr Logan,” he replied, displaying the same attitude to Michael that he had the night of the ball. The fact that he still appeared to be in such a foul mood went some way to convincing Michael that what he had spoken to Olivia about barely half an hour ago was correct. If they were to continue to socialise as part of the same group they could not go on in this manner and Michael decided that he would have to try to resolve the misunderstanding.

 

“It’s a lovely morning,” he started. “I was able to convince some others to join me.” He inclined his head in the direction of the two ladies.

 

“Of course,” Robert murmured. He certainly looked intently at the two women, but they were riding sufficiently closely together than Michael was unable to determine whether he was looking at Alexandra, Olivia or both of them.

 

The ladies rode up to the two gentlemen at a more sedate pace.

 

“Mr Goren,” Alexandra exclaimed charmingly. “What a pleasant surprise. We didn’t think that we would encounter another soul at this time of morning.”

 

“Ladies,” he said politely. “I find it quite refreshing to ride at this time of the morning.” 

 

“We’re just near the boundary between Mr Deakins’s property and Mr Goren’s,” Michael said by way of explanation.

 

“You ride often then Mr Goren?” Olivia asked.

 

“Frequently,” he confirmed.

 

“Well then you must join us. I’m certain you’ll be able to show us some lovely spots.” Olivia couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity to fall into her lap. To determine whether she was correct in her suspicions she wanted to see Alexandra and Mr Goren together. Away from a crowd of people, and with only herself and Michael for company, she was certain that they would be able to get to know one another better. Hopefully along the way they would also be able to resolve the matter of Mr Goren’s belief about Michael’s intentions.

 

“I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m sure Mr Logan has your ride all planned out,” he tried to decline.

 

“Nonsense!” Michael said. “It would be a pleasure to have you join us. Besides, I’m sure the ladies will pay far more attention to you than they do to me.”

 

“Yes, please do,” Alexandra added.

 

Naturally it was Alexandra’s plea for him to join them that convinced Robert and before he had had a chance to think it through he said, “Alright, that would be lovely.”

 

Olivia was so pleased that both Michael and Alexandra had contributed to her plan to have Mr Goren join them, even if it was unintentionally, that she couldn’t help but grin as they started off. The fact that Mr Goren had agreed to join them immediately after Alexandra had asked him to had not escaped her notice either.

 

Although it was not what anyone in the group, with the possible exception of Alexandra, would have wanted, they soon found themselves split into two groups, with the ladies riding ahead of the two gentlemen. It was clear to Michael that Mr Goren was unhappy with this turn of events but he decided to take the opportunity to resolve any misunderstandings that may have arisen.

 

“Have you ventured much further than this on your morning rides?” he enquired.

 

“A few times,” Robert replied shortly. Realising that he was being horribly rude, he elaborated, “There’s a wooded area on the other side of the village that I quite like. It’s very peaceful.”

 

“I think I know the area. There is a small stream that runs through it?” he questioned.

 

“Yes,” Robert confirmed.

 

“I’m surprised that you found it so soon,” Michael commented. “It’s well hidden and its usually only people who have been here for a while that end up discovering it.”

 

“I’ve always been curious.”

 

Michael laughed at this comment. “Then you should get on well with all of us. We were all told growing up that our curiosity would get the better of us. But some of us have never learned!”

 

“I suppose not,” Robert agreed, giving a small smile.

 

“If you go out a bit later in the morning you’re bound to come across children from the village or one of the houses out playing and exploring. Curiosity seems to come with the territory growing up here. Have you met any of the Stabler children yet?” he asked.

 

“I don’t believe so,” Robert shook his head.

 

“You will. Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth and Richard. They’re really the only children in a group nowadays. Alexandra’s brother and sister have families of their own but they don’t live in the area. They used to always be out playing, although recently it’s only been Elizabeth and Richard.”

 

Robert didn’t know exactly how he was supposed to respond to this, but Mr Logan seemed happy to continue talking.

 

“I suppose it’s a good place to raise children, away from the city with lots of fresh air and open spaces. I certainly wouldn’t have liked to have been raised in London. We had some great times here, the three of us.”

 

This comment captured Robert’s attention, “Three?”

 

“Yes. Olivia, Alexandra and myself. We’ve been friends our entire lives, inseparable as children. They’re both like sisters to me.” Michael was pleased at how easily he had been able to slip that particular fact into the conversation.

 

“Sisters? Then you’ve never...that is you haven’t...?”

 

“Have I ever considered marrying either of them?” Michael finished the sentence for Robert. “Never. I’m certain at one point our parents would have liked such a thing but they know that is not what anyone would have truly wanted.”

 

“That’s interesting,” Robert said slowly. So what he had believed he had seen the night of the ball wasn’t entirely accurate and the story that he had concocted was entirely inaccurate. Alexandra was close to Mr Logan, but as brother and sister, rather than lovers. His heart leapt at the thought that he might still have a chance; although the more sensible part of him remembered that there were still other obstacles in his way. Not to mention the feelings of the lady in question, which were very much an unknown.

 

“Every gentleman who has ever attempted to court either of them has thought it was interesting as well,” Michael said casually. At Robert’s questioning look he explained, “Olivia is an only child and Alexandra’s brother lives away from Hertfordshire. If I’m going to take on the role of their brother I ought to do it properly. I won’t allow anyone to hurt them,” he said pointedly.

 

“An admirable stance to take,” Robert said.

 

“Very few men have met with my approval. Joseph did. But even once they were married I wouldn’t have hesitated to hunt him down if he had ever hurt her,” Michael said, the warning evident in his voice. With that he kicked his horse into a trot, riding ahead to catch up with Olivia and Alexandra and leaving Robert to think about what he said.

 

“I understand,” Robert said slowly, mostly to himself as Michael was quickly out of earshot. It was clear to him what Michael was attempting to convey. He needed to think carefully about whether he wanted to pursue Alexandra. He would not escape unharmed if he hurt her in any way, whether through action or inaction and Robert was certain that if that did occur, Michael would not be the only one out for his blood. Already two people, Michael and Olivia, had warned him to be careful and he hadn’t done more than share one conversation and one dance with Alexandra. If they had been aware of the thoughts that were already running through his head he had no doubt that he would be strung up.

 

Looking ahead Robert could see that Michael had caught up with the ladies and was intently engaging Miss Benson in conversation. Being left out of the conversation didn’t appear to bother Alexandra, who was taking in the views around them. Suddenly there was a shout of mock anger from Miss Benson as Michael started galloping ahead of them and she bent down, urging her horse to catch up. Alexandra smiled as her two friends raced ahead, competing to beat each other to an unknown finishing line.

 

Feeling that it was a bit silly for her to be riding separately to Mr Goren when they had invited him to join the group, Alexandra stopped and waited for him to catch up with her.

 

“You must think us terribly rude,” she said. “Leaving you to ride alone.”

 

“Not at all. After all, you did stop and wait for me to catch up,” he said with a smile that Alexandra couldn’t help but return.

 

“Are they often like that?” he asked, indicating where Michael and Olivia had ridden out of sight.

 

“Usually. They’re both rather competitive and seem to bring it out in each other. They were forever fighting as children,” Alexandra explained.

 

“And you were the peacemaker,” Robert deduced.

 

“How could you tell?”

 

“Just a feeling,” he answered. “You seem like the type of person who would be good at resolving disputes.”

 

“Thank you,” Alexandra said, a tinge of bewilderment entering her voice. It was certainly true, but how was it that this man could read that aspect of her personality so easily?

 

“Are you enjoying the ride?” he enquired. “Despite the early hour.”

 

“I am,” she replied, “It’s so quiet and peaceful. Very different to London I imagine?”

 

“Yes, London starts to awaken when the sun rises, regardless of the time of year. The only time it is completely quiet is the middle of the night, and even then you’ll usually find someone out on the streets,” Robert explained.

 

“You know what the streets of London are like during the middle of the night?” she said, teasing him lightly.

 

“I have trouble sleeping sometimes,” he admitted. “I find that going for a walk helps.” In some ways Robert was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Alexandra and how quickly he was opening up to her, but in other ways it seemed perfectly natural.

 

“I suppose that means you’ve seen many interesting things. The streets of London in the middle of the night.” Alexandra’s interest in the subject was clear.

 

“I have,” Robert replied, conveniently ignoring the fact that this was exactly the type of conversation that his mother had warned him against having if he wanted to gain Alexandra’s affections. But it seemed to him that Alexandra was so very different to any other lady that he had met and that it was going to be the more unusual topics that he was interested in that were going to spark her interest.

 

He was right. Alexandra proved to be a very intelligent and witty conversationalist and seemed to have something to say on every topic that he raised, regardless of how unusual it was. This only confirmed what Robert had known since the first night he had spoken with her, that he found her incredibly attractive and interesting and it wouldn’t take much for him to fall in love with her. If there hadn’t been other obstacles in his life he would have made his intentions clear immediately. Even with those obstacles though he knew that he couldn’t ignore what he was feeling, he just needed to proceed more cautiously to determine if she returned his feelings and if she was willing to be a part of his life.

 

Alexandra on the other hand was starting to see why so many women in London had been attracted to Mr Goren, although he didn’t possess the confident, self-assured aura that she would have expected from such a man. Instead he was shy in a completely charming way and whilst he was clearly intelligent and well-read there was something almost boyish about him. She too knew that he would not take much to develop feelings for this man. The thought surprised her, for after Joseph’s death she never thought such a thing would happen. But when the ride was coming to an end and they had to part ways, she was sorry to see him go and immediately started thinking about the next time she would see him. 


	12. The Picnic

“Make sure the drapes are open in every room and have one of the scullery maids fetch another two bottles of cordial from the cellar,” Robert instructed as he closed the lid on a basketful of apples.

 

“Excuse me sir,” one of the young maids said as she reached across to take the basket that Robert had just filled. “I need to take the basket outside.”

 

“Oh of course,” Robert said, stepping back almost into the path of a young man carrying a tray of glasses.

 

“Really Mr Goren!” one of the older women who worked in the kitchen exclaimed. “I know you want to help but I really think it would be best if you left the kitchen and allowed us to get on with everything. I promise you everyone knows what they are doing.”

 

Realising that his presence was upsetting the routine of his kitchen staff Robert waited until everyone had once again settled into their jobs and left the kitchen. He knew that everything would be perfect, as he had just been told his staff knew what they were doing, but he couldn’t help but want to be involve just in case. Today had to go well.

 

He had seen Alexandra twice since he had joined her, Mr Logan and Miss Benson for their early morning ride, at dinner parties held by the Stablers and then the Deakins again. Each time he saw her he could barely wait until the next time. Her reactions to him had been encouraging to say the least, sharing long conversations and seeking him out at various times. In a conversation with Miss Benson she had explained to him that she hadn’t seen Alexandra behave this way since she had met her late husband. Since having learned how devoted the couple had been, Robert could only see this as a positive sign.  

 

He had also found that he was becoming good friends with Mr Logan, and to a lesser extent Miss Benson. His original estimation of the families in the area had been correct and they had continued to be friendly and welcoming towards him. Robert knew that his delayed introduction to the area had not been his finest moment and he was determined to rectify that. First the first time in his life he found himself wanting to be part of a larger group such as this. Knowing also how important her family and friends were to Alexandra, he wanted to show her that he wanted to join her life, rather than take her away to his.

 

So, having already received numerous invitations to dinners and balls, and having attended every one, he decided that it was long past time that he did the same. He could vaguely remember his parents having hosted events, but that was many years ago, and being a bachelor in London it wasn’t expect that he would host anything until he was married. But he wasn’t going to let inexperience stop him. He didn’t want his first event to be a dinner or a ball, especially without there being an official mistress of Canarsie House, so instead he settled on a picnic. A picnic would be easier to prepare for and it would give him the opportunity to show off the grounds surrounding Canarsie House, which he had directed his efforts towards improving during the past months. It would also mean that he would be able to invite some of the children as well and he knew that Alexandra’s sister and her family were currently visiting.

 

Despite holding a picnic out of doors, the house itself also needed to be perfect. He knew from a conversation that he had overheard at the Stablers’ dinner that a number of the ladies, especially Mrs Eames and Mrs Cragen, were eager to see inside the house, hence his instructions to the servants about making sure all the drapes were open. He wasn’t about to admit it out loud, but he wanted to be able to show Mrs Eames that he would be able to take care of her daughter and give her the type of life that she deserved.

 

It was approximately five minutes before the first guests arrived that Robert finally allowed himself to relax. The last thing he wanted to do was appear flustered or rushed, although his heart was racing at the thought of what he was trying to show Alexandra. Still he was the consummate host as he greeted his guests, complimenting the ladies, making the children laugh and showing everyone to the gardens at the back of the house where the servants had set up the picnic. Alexandra and her family were the last to arrive, having been delayed by one of the children and for one horrible moment Robert had wondered whether they weren’t coming.

 

Alexandra stood back as he greeted the rest of her family and she smiled indulgently as he tickled her young nephew Nathan. She wasn’t surprised at all to see that he had a way with children. She firmly stopped herself before her mind went wandering to the idea of what he would be like as a father.

 

“Good afternoon Alexandra,” he greeted as the rest of her family started walking down the steps to the picnic area. He always called her by her Christian name when they were alone, which was highly inappropriate and whilst she knew that she should object to him being so familiar, it felt right and she couldn’t bring herself to ask him to stop.

 

“Good afternoon,” she replied. “Everything looks wonderful,” she said surveying the gardens and the chairs and tables where her family and friends were mingling.

 

“Thank you,” he replied, almost shyly. “I hoped that you would like it.”

 

“Well we should join everyone,” Alexandra decided. “That way I can see everything properly.”

 

Robert immediately offered her his arm and they made their way down to the rest of the party. Anyone who hadn’t known better would have said that they were master and mistress of the house.

 

The picnic went better than Robert could have hoped for. Everyone kept saying what a splendid time they were having and all the food was declared to be delicious. His kitchen staff had certainly outdone themselves, having relished the opportunity to put out a proper feast for a group of people, rather than the simple meals that they usually prepared for Robert and Frances. The weather was perfect and sunny and there were plenty of refreshments available. The gardens looked spectacular and everyone took the opportunity to slowly wander through them. As expected, Mrs Eames and Mrs Cragen did ask Robert to indulge them in a tour of the house and he happily agreed. Without being too obvious, Robert watched Mrs Eames carefully, and was satisfied when she declared that she was very impressed with the house.

 

At one point Robert disappeared for a few moments, but nobody paid too much attention, assuming that their host simply had to talk to one of his servants about something. However a few minutes later Richard Stabler called out, quite loudly, “What’s that?”

 

For coming up the wide gravel path that ran along the edge of the garden was a flat cart covered with hay bales and being drawn by two large Clydesdale horses. Everyone watched as the cart came to a stop near the house and turned to Robert for an explanation.

 

“I thought that it might be a nice treat for the children if they were to have a hay ride,” Robert explained.

 

“Oh yes please, can we go Mother?” Elizabeth Stabler asked Mrs Stabler.

 

“Of course,” Mrs Stabler agreed.

 

“But remember to say thank you to Mr Goren,” Mr Stabler reminded all of his children.

 

Nathan was staring wide-eyed at the horses, for he had never seen horses that large before. “Big,” he whispered to his mother.

 

“I know darling, but you’ll be sitting on the hay. See?” she said.

 

Seeing that Nathan was obviously nervous about the ride, Robert said, “There’s plenty of room so anyone else who wants to go is more than welcome to.” Whilst he knew that Elizabeth would want to go along with her son, he was certain that his other guests would also enjoy the experience. Almost everyone agreed to go, with the exception of Mr Benson, Mr Cragen and Alexandra. After waving goodbye to everyone on the cart, Mr Cragen and Mr Benson returned to their conversation, giving Robert and Alexandra some time together.

 

“I have another surprise,” he told her.

 

“Really?” Alexandra exclaimed. “But you’ve already done so much.”

 

“Here, let me show you,” he said reaching for one of the picnic baskets. “I hope no-one found them. Ah good, here they are.”

 

Pulling out a small brown paper parcel he presented it to Alexandra.

 

“What is it?” she asked.

 

“Open it,” he encouraged her.

 

Obediently she opened the parcel and gasped when she saw she saw that it was filled with small, hard fruit jubes.

 

“You said that they were your favourites and that you could only ever get them when you went to London. I remembered when I was last there and bought them for you.”

 

“Thank you so much,” she said, immediately selecting one to savour. “This is wonderful. Here, try one,” she offered, holding the package out to him. 

 

* * *

 

From her bedroom window Frances watched as her son accepted the sweet from the young lady. She should have known that he would do something like this; he always did, trying to live his life and pretend that she didn’t exist. Locking her away so that she could never experience anything enjoyable. How long had he been planning this, she wondered. She had been watching the entire event unfold since the first servants had gone outside early in the morning. The garden that had been transformed into a picnic area, the baskets and platters of food, the hay ride. He must have been planning it for weeks. Which meant that her nurse must have known that it was happening. She and Robert had probably conspired together to make sure that she didn’t know about it, and was kept away.

 

She had to get down there, she decided. These people needed to know what sort of man her son really was; one who was ashamed of his mother and would keep her locked up. But if Miss Olivet had helped to plan this, then she wouldn’t be willing to help Frances. She would have to break away from her and escape. Looking around the room, Frances spotted a water jug that she knew was mostly full. Picking it up she tipped the contents into her chamber pot and then called out to Miss Olivet, who was in the adjoining room.

 

“Is something the matter Mrs Goren?” Miss Olivet asked. She knew that her patient had been unusually quiet, watching the picnic outside in the gardens.

 

“I’m thirsty,” Frances demanded.

 

“I just brought you a fresh jug of water,” she explained patiently.

 

“It’s hot. I’ve drunk it already,” Frances said stubbornly.

 

Checking the jug to make sure that she was telling the truth, Miss Olivet briefly considered leaving it for a little while but could see that Mrs Goren was going to be difficult if she took that approach. “Alright,” she agreed. But no sooner had she opened the door, then Mrs Goren shoved her aside and raced out into the hallway.

 

Although Miss Olivet was responsible for Mrs Goren’s care all the servants were aware of her circumstances, hence the need for absolute discretion amongst the household staff. So when Mrs Goren started running Miss Olivet was able to call out to anyone who was nearby to help her capture her patient and nobody was too surprised. However Mrs Goren was especially determined to escape their grasp and despite her age she managed to do so.

 

The party was just returning from their hay ride and when Mrs Goren burst through the doors and ran into the garden everyone turned to see what the commotion was.  But Mrs Goren didn’t care about the guests for the moment; her focus was on Robert, who until that moment had been sitting with Alexandra, sharing a quiet conversation under the shade of a large oak tree.

 

“You’re ashamed of me!” she shouted, running up to him. “That’s why you didn’t invite me. You didn’t want anyone to know about your sick mother.”

 

“Ma that’s not true,” he replied, trying to stay calm so as not to further upset her. He saw Miss Olivet and some of the men rushing towards them, but held up a hand to stop them, hoping he could calm his mother down instead. “Why don’t you stay and you can meet everyone.”

 

Frances however wasn’t listening. “Well I’m not sick. The only reason anyone thinks that I’m sick is because of you. It’s all your fault. You do this to me!”

 

Despite all the effort that Robert had gone to the happy atmosphere of the picnic had disappeared when Frances had started shouted. Her appearance startled the younger children and their parents immediately started to gather their belongings and leave. The other guests also followed their example, realising that what was happening was not something to be witnessed. So as Frances continued to rant at her son, his guests started to leave, one by one. They hastily said goodbye to each other, but didn’t speak to Robert, for fear of attracting the attention of Mrs Goren. The families with children were the first to leave but Alexandra was oblivious to what was happening around her as she watched Robert, every emotion he was feeling clearly displayed on his face for her to see, even if no-one else could. All she could think at that moment was that she wanted to go to him, but she knew that she couldn’t, so she continued to watch as the man that she was coming to care deeply about endured the abuse that his mother hurled at him. 


	13. Frances Goren's Illness

Despite Robert’s attempts to calm her, Frances kept backing away from her son, drawing him away from the tree that he had been sitting underneath with Alexandra. Whilst the Stablers and her sister’s family had already left, and the Cragens and Deakins were hastily saying their goodbyes, Alexandra remained seated on the ground, watching the truth of Frances Goren’s illness unfold. She fought the urge she had to go to Robert’s side, to try and help him in some way, even if she didn’t know what it was that Mrs Goren needed.

 

Fearing that the mad woman’s attention could turn to her friend, Olivia slowly inched her way to where Alexandra was sitting. Placing her hand on Alexandra’s shoulder, she didn’t wait for her to react before saying in a low voice, “We should go.”

 

“I can’t,” Alexandra whispered back, hesitantly.

 

“Alexandra, everyone is leaving. This is a family matter, I’m sure Mr Goren knows what he’s doing,” she said awkwardly.

 

“I know! But I can’t just leave him like this, I need to do something.”

 

“You can’t stay on your own,” Olivia whispered furiously.

 

“Then stay with me,” Alexandra challenged. “I’m not going, not yet.”

 

For a moment she looked like she was going to argue the matter, but she decided against it. Olivia knew all too well how stubborn Alexandra could be when she set her mind to something. It was obvious now how much Alexandra was coming to care for Mr Goren and not even this confronting scene was going to deter her.

 

“Alright,” Olivia sighed. “I’ll inform your parents.”

 

Leaving Alexandra’s side Olivia walked back over to where her father was standing with Mr and Mrs Eames and Mr Logan. Not wanting to break any confidences, on either side, she explained as simply as she could that she and Alexandra were going to remain a bit longer in case Mr Goren required any assistance.

 

Suddenly from behind her Olivia heard a slap, and turning around saw that Mrs Goren had hit her son and was attempting to inflict further damage. This was witnessed by everyone and Mrs Eames revealed her reluctance to allow the young ladies to remind behind. Michael also had reservations, however like Olivia he could see why Alexandra wanted to stay. So it was agreed that Alexandra and Olivia would return home later and that Mr Logan would remain with them at Canarsie House whilst they provided what assistance they could.

 

Discretely the Eameses and Mr Benson returned to their carriages, whilst Alexandra, Olivia and Michael watched events continue to unfold. Despite his attempts to calm his mother down she was only getting worse and he soon realised that she was going to need to be forcibly returned to the house. Signally for Miss Olivet and the servants she had gathered to help her he stepped away from Frances.

 

“Robert?” Frances asked warily. “What are you doing?” The small part of her that wasn’t currently preoccupied with schemes and what her son was doing to her knew what was about to happen. It had happened so many times before however she couldn’t remember the details.

 

“No!” she howled as two men grabbed her arms. Before she had a chance to even attempt to struggle free another two men had taken a hold of her legs, lifting her from the ground. She writhed in their grasp, desperate to escape. “No! Robert! Don’t let them do this. Stop them Robert. Don’t take me away!” Her shouts could be heard as the four men were lead back to the house by Miss Olivet. It wasn’t until the nurse closed the door behind them that the sounds finally disappeared.

 

Robert just stared sadly as his mother was taken back to the house. Turning around he didn’t seem surprised to see the small group still standing there, although he commented, “I thought everyone would have left.”

 

“The children...” Olivia started to explain.

 

Robert held up a hand to stop her, “It’s alright. You don’t have to explain.”

 

He then seemed to focus all of his attention onto Alexandra, appearing to forget that the others were there. “I’m sorry,” he said, turning back to the house and following the path that Miss Olivet and his mother had followed only minutes earlier. Alexandra simply watched as he walked away.

 

“Maybe we should go?” Michael suggested, looking across to Olivia, hoping for her support. He didn’t see what their staying there could do to help Mr Goren.

 

But regardless of what Olivia was going to say, Alexandra had already made up her mind and was walking up towards the house.

 

Walking into the house Alexandra was surprised to find Robert standing in the middle of the hall. She feared that he would have followed his mother to wherever she was taken, leaving her in the uncomfortable position of deciding whether she wanted to venture further into the house.

 

“You came,” he murmured, not turning around to face her.

 

Not willing to have a conversation with his back, she walked around to stand in front of him. “I did,” she agreed. “Robert…I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

 

“Nobody did. Until now,” he said, thinking that everyone who had attended the picnic was now aware of his mother’s situation.

 

“It’s alright, nobody will think any the less of you,” Alexandra said, seeming to read what the expression on his face meant.

 

“They all left,” he pointed out.

 

“The children were scared,” she explained. “Surely you can understand that. The others…nobody has seen something like that. They just thought it was best that you didn’t have the distraction of us when you mother clearly needed your assistance.”

 

“I know,” he sighed. “But you didn’t leave,” he said curiously.

 

“I…couldn’t,” Alexandra stuttered. “I just need to see if you were alright, if there was anything that I could do, anything at all.”

 

“Thank you. It is appreciated,” he said quietly.

 

But it couldn’t continue he realised. The fact that she had stayed behind, when everyone else had left, just to ask after his wellbeing, spoke volumes about her. It also meant, he feared, that perhaps she was beginning to return his feelings. Whilst such a thought should have thrilled him, instead it only served to further dishearten him. What he wanted, what appeared to be within his grasp, was not something that he could take. He could not in good conscience subject Alexandra to the life he was currently living, not if he cared for her at all. Which he did, and each time he met with her his feelings only grew stronger. It would be incredibly selfish of him to ask it of her, especially when he was aware of the heartache she had already endured in her life.

 

Standing in the hall of Canarsie House, Robert could see his dream of a normal life, with Alexandra, fading away. With his mother’s health still so unstable it simply wasn’t possible at this time. Knowing that it could be years before she improved, if she even did, he couldn’t ask Alexandra to wait. Instead he knew that he had to let her go.

 

“Robert?” Alexandra asked as he stood there, lost in his thoughts.

 

“I’m sorry,” he apologised, shaking his head.  “There’s nothing that can be done at this time. Only…you should return to your family. I’m sure they were concerned about you remaining here.”

 

Alexandra felt certain that that was not what he had originally intended to say. “If you’re certain you don’t need anything,” she stressed.

 

“I’m certain.”

 

“Alright,” she agreed reluctantly. “Will I see you at the next dinner?”

 

“Perhaps,” he said, not wanting to make any commitments he couldn’t fulfil.

 

“Oh.” The disappointment was clear in Alexandra’s voice. “Goodbye then,” she concluded, walking towards the door to return to Olivia and Michael.

 

“Goodbye,” Robert said softly.

 

* * *

 

After a night of shouting and trying to fight her captors, Frances had finally fallen into an exhausted, drugged sleep in the early hours of the morning. When she awoke later that afternoon she was an entirely different woman. The guilt overwhelmed her as she remembered what she had done the previous day and she immediately sought out Robert, needing to apologise to him.

 

She found him in his study, replying to correspondence.

 

“Robert?” she knocked tentatively on the door.

 

“Ma,” he said looking up. “Are you feeling better?”

 

“I am. Miss Olivet said I’m doing much better today,” she confirmed.

 

“That’s great. Have you had anything to eat?” he asked getting up and walking around the desk.

 

“Robert, stop,” she pleaded. “I can remember yesterday, all of it.  I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of it, I promise. And your picnic. I ruined it.”

 

“You didn’t ruin it,” Robert lied. “It wasn’t your fault Ma, I understand that.”

 

“Do you? Because I don’t,” she said, tears starting to spill over. “I don’t understand why this is happening to me. What’s wrong with me? Why do I think these things? What do I behave like this?”

 

“We just need to find the right doctor. There is someone who will be able to help you.” Robert tried to sound encouraging.

 

“The right doctor will be the one who convinces you to lock me up!”

 

“Ma!” Robert said sharply.

 

“Robert, look at what I did yesterday! I frightened those children, and your other guests,” she cried.

 

“I wouldn’t have let anyone get hurt,” he replied.

 

“What about you? What I said to you, it was horrible. I don’t believe any of those things, and I know that they’re not true. Only when it happens, I think they are true and they make perfect sense. But nobody else can see it and I think that everyone is lying to me. I shouldn’t say those things to you. Out of everyone you are the one that deserves it the least. You don’t deserve it at all,” Frances tried to explain.

 

“Ma, I know that you don’t mean it. When it happens, I know that it isn’t really you. You don’t have to apologise for anything,” he said, reaching out to hug her.

 

“But I ruined your picnic,” she said pitifully, her voice muffled in his shoulder.

 

“You’re forgiven,” he said softly. He absolutely believed that an apology wasn’t required, but he also knew that she needed to say it, so he let the matter drop.

 

“And you must forgive Miss Olivet. It isn’t her fault that I escaped and I don’t want you to send her away,” Frances pleaded.

 

“I won’t send her away. She’s been a wonderful nurse and I know how much you like her,” Robert reassured her. “I haven’t had time to speak with her about it yet. How did you manage to get past her?”

 

“I asked her for some more water and ran passed her when she opened the door,” she explained.

 

“Oh.”

 

“You should tell her that next time she needs to check the chamber pot,” Frances said, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

 

“The chamber pot?” Robert choked.

 

“I hadn’t run out of water. I just emptied it into the chamber pot.”

 

Robert couldn’t help but laugh at the ingenuity of his mother.

 

“When I came outside yesterday, you were sitting with a young lady. Was that the young lady you’ve been speaking of, Alexandra?” she questioned.

 

“Ah, yes it was,” Robert replied, instantly sobering.

 

“I could tell. Before I came outside I had been watching you with her, talking, laughing, you even gave her a gift,” Frances said.

 

“I did, fruit jubes. I’m not sure what happened to them in the end,” he commented.

 

“I didn’t pay any attention to it at the time, but it was clear how much you care for each other,” she said softly.

 

“Ma, I can’t…” Robert said sadly.

 

“Yes you can. And you should. I could see just by looking at her that she cares for you, perhaps just as strongly as you care for her,” Frances exclaimed

 

“I know.”

 

“But you aren’t going to do anything, are you?” she questioned.

 

“She deserves better,” Robert said, not wanting to have to say exactly what he was trying to protect Alexandra from.

 

Frances knew though exactly what her son was talking about and hated the thought that she was the cause of his heartache. “She deserves to be loved, and so do you. Once you have that, you can work through anything else.”

 

“Really Ma?” he questioned, staring at her intently.

 

“Yes,” she said firmly. With a sigh she continued, “I want you to have a happy marriage, not just one of convenience once you’re too old to enjoy it and certainly not one like what your father and I shared. Alexandra can give you that.” Wanting her son to think on what she had said, she didn’t say anything further and left the room.


	14. Mrs Stabler's Advice

It had been a long day by the time Robert reached his study that evening. He had gone into London to meet with a doctor who said that he would be able to help his mother, but he had been unable to suggest anything that hadn’t been suggested before. Frances had been in a volatile mood for the past week and he hadn’t said anything to her, not wanting to raise her hopes. It appeared that that had been the correct decision. Standing in front of the fire that a servant had kept burning for him Robert went through what the doctor had told him again, to make sure that there was nothing he could have missed. But there wasn’t and he decided he would write to the doctor to advise him that he would not be bringing his mother to London to see him.

 

Walking over to his desk, Robert fixed his gaze on the pile of letters and correspondence that had been left for him. Knowing that it would only grow the next day he quickly set to work writing his letter to the London doctor. It was a short letter and somewhat more abrupt that was considered polite but Robert was getting tired of doctors who wasted his time. He had explained to this one all the treatments that his mother had endured and all he was able to do was recommend more of the same. Placing the letter to the side to be collected by a servant for delivery to London in the morning, he turned his attention to the pile of letters.

 

He struggled to retain any semblance of interest in the letters, mostly business related matters and social letters from acquaintances in London that he no longer thought of, except when he received correspondence from them. But he steadily worked his way through them, leaving his desk only to add more wood to the fire. Finally he reached the final letter, a cream envelope with his name and address written in a delicate feminine hand. The writing didn’t immediately look familiar but he felt that it was from someone in Hertfordshire, rather than further afield.

 

Opening the envelope he pulled out a small card. Scanning it quickly he saw that it was an invitation to a ball that Mr and Mrs Stabler were to hold in three weeks’ time. Dropping the invitation to the desk he rubbed his face in frustration. He had been dreading the arrival of such an invitation.  

 

He wanted to attend, he couldn’t deny that. But after the picnic he had held it had become so much more complicated than simply what he wanted. The reasons for this were twofold. Firstly, and most importantly, there was Alexandra to consider and secondly, he needed to think about the Stablers and the rest of their guests. He felt certain that after what had happened they couldn’t possibly have any genuine desire for him to attend their gathering. He had spoken with both Mr and Mrs Stabler on numerous occasions and believed that he had a good understanding of both of them. Mr Stabler was fiercely protective of his family and was not afraid to make that known. Robert had no doubt that he would be feeling especially uneasy about any of his family returning to Canarsie House. Mrs Stabler was a quiet woman and Robert felt a certain affinity with her. She was very kind and polite and he wondered whether it was that kindness and politeness that was responsible for his invitation. Robert imagined that this particular invitation might have caused some tense moments between husband and wife.

 

Although the invitation was for a ball, an evening event which the children would not be invited to, Robert couldn’t help but think of them. He knew how confronting his mother’s outbursts could be and he remembered seeing them as a child. Certainly the children who had attended the picnic had never seen anything like it before and it could only imagine how much it had scared them, especially the younger ones. Children would often watch the parties that their parents held. If the Stabler children saw him, would they be reminded of that day?

 

That question applied equally to the rest of the families who had been in attendance at his picnic and who would be attending the ball. Although his attention had been on his mother, he was aware of how quickly the Stablers had left, and that the Deakins and Cragens had quickly followed. None of them would want to be reminded of that day. The only reason that the Eameses and Bensons had stayed had been because of Alexandra.

 

Robert’s biggest concern was Alexandra. He knew that, unlike the others, she would be genuinely happy to see him and he couldn’t let that happen. Despite what his mother had tried to convince him of that day after the picnic, he still felt that he was making the right decision in walking away from Alexandra now, rather than letting them get any closer. He didn’t feel that he could offer her the type of life she deserved and if he made any attempt to court her he would be giving her and her entire family that impression, although surely by now they knew that that was not the case. Whilst she would be disappointed it was kinder overall to end it now, not only for her sake but for his as well. If he allowed himself to get any closer to her and to completely fall in love with her, he would never be able to let her go.

 

But all of those reasons were to remain his own and he would never use them to decline the Stablers’ invitation. Since he had received the first dinner invitation from the Deakins he had accepted every invite. He could not simply turn down an invitation now without providing a proper excuse. Pulling out a clean sheet of paper, he began to write.

 

_Dear Mr and Mrs Stabler,_

_Thank you for your kind invitation to the ball you will be hosting in three weeks’ time. I am sure it will be a charming and delightful evening enjoyed by all._

_Unfortunately I regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend. As you are aware my mother is unwell and at the moment as you will no doubt understand my priority must be her care and health. I have been required to spend time in London recently for business and as a result I wish to spend what time I can at home caring for my mother._

_I would also like offer my most sincere apologies for the incident which took place at Canarsie House last month. I understand how disturbing the incident was for all involved, especially the children who witnessed it. I hope that there have been no negative repercussions for the children and if they require anything please do not hesitate to contact me._

_I once again apologise for not being able to accept your kind invitation._

_Sincerely,_

_Robert O Goren_

 

Katherine Stabler folded the letter up and placed in back in the envelope. “Mr Goren won’t be attending the ball,” she told her husband.

 

“After what happened at his picnic you knew that it was a possibility,” Mr Stabler replied. It was evident in his voice that he wasn’t at all concerned that their invitation had been turned down.

 

“I know,” Mrs Stabler agreed. “But it’s still disappointing. He seemed to be becoming such good friends with Mr Logan and Miss Benson. And he was quite taken with Mrs Dutton.”

 

Mr Stabler sighed and placed the papers that he had been reading on the table to his side, “What did he say?”

 

“He apologised for the incident at the picnic.”

 

“Good,” he grunted.

 

Mrs Stabler gave her husband a brief glare before continuing, “And says he is unable to attend because he needs to care for his mother.”

 

“That makes sense,” Mr Stabler commented, feeling that the matter was closed.

 

It did not make sense to Mrs Stabler however. She knew from her conversations with him that Mr Goren had a private nurse employed to care for his mother. She also knew that he still regularly travelled to London and therefore left Mrs Goren in the care of said nurse. Surely if his mother’s condition had worsened she would require greater attention from her nurse or a doctor, rather than Mr Goren. He had so appeared to enjoy their dinners and balls as well and as she had just mentioned there were the other young people to consider. There was more to the situation than he had explained in his letter and Mrs Stabler suspected that she knew what was truly behind his rejection of the invitation, but she wanted to know for certain.

 

Two days later she appeared on the doorstep at Canarsie House and was shown to Mr Goren’s study by a servant.

 

“Mrs Stabler,” Robert stuttered, getting to his feet and trying to neaten the mess on his desk. “I’m sorry, was I expecting you?”

 

She gave an apologetic smile, “No. I apologise for coming here unannounced but I wanted to speak with you in person about the letter that you sent my husband and I.”

 

“Of course,” he said, trying to hide the fact that he was completely stunned. “Please have a seat. Would you like some tea?” he offered.

 

“No, thank you.” Deciding to forgo any small talk, Mrs Stabler waiting until Mr Goren had taken a seat before saying, “Everyone would so like it if you were able to attend our ball.”

 

“Thank you,” he replied graciously. “But I really must stay with my mother.”

 

“Really?” she questioned. “Mr Goren, I hope you don’t feel I’m being too forward, but you shouldn’t be punishing yourself for what happened at the picnic.”

 

“I’m not punishing myself,” he said, although he could see why she might think that. If he were truthful then in a way his actions were punishment, by denying him the opportunity to see his friends, and Alexandra, but that was not his purpose in doing so.

 

“Then what is this about?” Mrs Stabler asked. “I understand that your mother requires care but you shouldn’t shut yourself off from your friends and companions to do so.”

 

“My friends,” Robert repeatedly softly. “My mother’s condition can be difficult to understand, it’s even more difficult to live with. My friends shouldn’t have it inflicted upon their lives.”

 

“Mr Goren. It is one ball. At our home,” she reminded him.

 

“Right, of course,” Robert said, feeling foolish for having let his feelings for Alexandra interfere in the conversation about others.

 

“Did you have a chance to meet my daughter Kathleen at the picnic?” Mrs Stabler asked.

 

“I met her when your family first arrived and I helped her into the cart for the hay ride,” he offered.

 

“That was one of Kathleen’s good days,” she said meaningfully.

 

“I don’t understand,” Robert asked.

 

“Kathleen has always been a...spirited child. Certainly the noisiest and the most likely to find trouble. But in recent years she has starting having unexplainable mood swings. Just before you moved here, there was an incident with one of the servants, but she was never able to explain why she did it,” Mrs Stabler explained.

 

“I’m very sorry to hear that, but why are you telling me this?” he questioned.

 

“Because I want you to know that you are not the only one in a situation like this. Our friends are starting to see that Kathleen is different, but it doesn’t stop them from being our friends or from supporting us,” she said carefully.

 

Robert briefly wondering whether Kathleen’s incident with the servant had been anywhere near as dramatic as his mother’s incident at the picnic, but he didn’t wish to pry after Mrs Stabler had been so understanding

 

“So will you come to the ball?” she entreated.

 

Now that she had dismantled one of his arguments for not going to the ball, Robert felt that he had to accept. He didn’t want to explain his feelings for Alexandra, for he felt that she would present arguments against them that were similar to the ones his mother had made and he knew that it would only weaken his resolve. No, he would make a short appearance at the ball and spend minimal time with Alexandra. If nothing else, by attending he would have the opportunity to apologise to everyone in person. He would simply have to worry about the next invitation if and when it came.

 

“Alright, I will attend,” Robert agreed.

 

“Wonderful,” Mrs Stabler exclaimed. She could see that he was reluctant still to attend and was no doubt developing excuses for next time, but she knew that once he attended, and spent time with his friends he would realise what he would be missing if he continued to turn down invitations.

 

Getting to her feet she said her goodbyes and promised to see him in three weeks time. As Robert showed her out he wondered whether he was making the right decision, because he was starting to wonder what that really was.  


	15. In Too Deep

As he promised Mrs Stabler, Robert did attend the ball three weeks later. After she had left he had continued to debate with himself whether he had made the right decision. Going to the ball was perhaps only delaying the inevitable. He could not continue to grow closer to Alexandra, for both of their sakes, and every time he saw her his feelings only grew stronger. But she would not simply accept him disappearing from her life so suddenly, not after what she had seen at the picnic and how much she had seen that it was affecting him. So he told himself that this was an opportunity to explain the situation, as much as he could, to her. He also wanted more than ever to take the opportunity to apologise to everyone who had attended the picnic and, knowing that all of those who had attended the picnic would also be at the Stablers’ ball, decided it was the perfect opportunity.

 

However Robert’s plans for any sort of serious discussions at the ball quickly disappeared when he arrived. The guest list was somewhat larger than he had expected and the atmosphere was one of celebration, fun and laughter. Nobody was of a mind to partake in any serious discussions and even the older gentlemen kept their business conversations to a minimum. Nonetheless he still found everyone who had attended and apologised as much as they would permit. All of his apologies had been immediately accepted, with most people saying that they did not consider him at fault and that they hoped his mother’s health improved soon. As far as everyone concerned, the incident was in the past and warranted no further consideration.

 

His intention to explain the situation to Alexandra was another matter entirely. As soon as he saw her his plans were forgotten. Befitting the atmosphere of the evening she was wearing a dark maroon gown and Robert did not think that he had ever seen her look more beautiful. When he had arrived she had been speaking with Mr Logan and Miss Benson and upon seeing him Mr Logan had immediately escorted the two ladies over to greet him. Robert, wanting to feel her in his arms, asked her to dance straight away, the first of four dances that they would share that evening. Those who had not met Robert, and who were aware than it had been over three years since Mrs Dutton’s husband had died, commented amongst themselves on the closeness of the pair and wondered whether a wedding might be imminent. Mrs Stabler just smiled, knowing that she had been correct and that attending the ball and spending time with his friends would make him reconsider any ideas he had to cut himself off.

 

Over the following weeks and months Robert continued to torment himself. One more event he kept telling himself. One more event and then he would tell them that he could no longer accept their invitations. He could accept that nobody in the group held any ill-will against him for the incident with his mother. In some ways he almost considered it a blessing in disguise for he was finally able to discuss her condition with someone who wasn’t a doctor. He had grown closer to Mrs Stabler as they discussed her daughter and his mother and they would suggest to each other treatments and doctors in London that should be considered. Everyone else now considered him a part of their circle and wouldn’t think twice about sending an invitation to Canarsie House. On one or two occasions Mrs Goren had been included on invitations, although it was generally understand that she would not be attending any events until her health improved. Still the gesture was deeply appreciated by Robert and Frances simply enjoyed the novelty of being invited after being ignored for so many years in London.

 

But Alexandra was another matter entirely. From anyone else’s perspective, Robert was certain that they appeared to be becoming closer and that an announcement was soon to follow, and to some extent they would have been correct. At every event they were constantly in one another’s company and seemed to gravitate towards each other. Long conversations revealed just how much they had in common and how their personalities seemed to perfectly complement each other. Alexandra seemed to instinctively understand him in a way that no-one else ever had and was able to withstand the stranger aspects of his personality without blinking. He loved to watch her with her family and to see how much she cared about those around her. She had a quick mind, was well read and could converse on topics that typically ladies of her station had little understanding of. Robert found that he had never before met anyone with whom he could share such conversations on a regular basis.

 

He had also fallen in love with her.

 

He was long passed the point of being able to deny the truth of this statement. He was in love with Alexandra and he continued to torture himself by attending all the events that he was invited to, knowing that she would be there. He couldn’t bear the thought of tearing himself away from her, although he knew that he should. So he kept telling himself, just one more event, just one night to remember her by and then he would stop. But that one event which would be his final never came; he just didn’t have the strength to do it. He needed to be around Alexandra, but he also couldn’t bring himself to take that final step, to announce his intentions towards her, because he loved her too much to do that to her. Although he had come to accept that his mother’s illness did not stop him from having friends, he was not convinced that it was right to bring Alexandra into that world.

 

The time when he would finally have to do something one way or the other was drawing closer. Although Alexandra had not said anything and appeared perfectly happy with their relationship as it currently stood, others in the group had made comments to Robert that made him realise that others were expecting an announcement and were wondering what was taking him so long. Eventually those subtle comments would become more explicit and he certainly didn’t want Alexandra to be subjected to them. But he continued to keep them in limbo, believing that either decision would hurt both of them in the long run and not knowing which one to choose. All he could do was wish that something would change that would make the decision easier. But the matter started coming to a head sooner that he had expected and it was his actions that started it all.

 

It was towards the end of the evening that the musicians announced them were going to play a final waltz. Most of the men in the room had taken their wives’ hands and Robert could already seen Mr Logan leading Miss Benson to the dance floor. Pleased that it meant he would be able to share this dance with Alexandra without anyone thinking anything of it he immediately walked over to where she was sitting down and offered her his hand. No words were exchanged as she accepted and he escorted her to join the rest of the couples.

 

The other couples seem to vanish from around them as they waltzed and despite the formality of the dance Robert could feel Alexandra gently brushing her fingers against his upper arm, a gesture that indicated to him the intimate familiarity they shared. “Alexandra, I lo...” he murmured, quickly cutting himself off when he saw the curiosity and warmth in her eyes. His heart was racing, had he really come so close to admitting to Alexandra that he loved her?

 

Although he was trying, he couldn’t hide the panic he felt from Alexandra and she immediately knew something was wrong, “Robert? What is it?”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” he said weakly, starting to pull away from her.

 

“I don’t understand. What did you do?” Although he had come so close to admitting his love, Alexandra hadn’t recognised what he was trying to say.

 

But he didn’t reply and leaving Alexandra alone in the sea of dancing couples, he disappeared through the doors and out onto the terrace.

 

Alexandra stood there for a few moments before she realised she was standing still and that the other couples were attempting to dance around her. Quickly moving to the side she wondered how things had gone wrong so quickly. They had been having such a wonderful evening and Alexandra was more sure of her feelings than she had ever been before. She had known for weeks now how she felt about Robert but there had been something special about tonight and she had been sure that he had felt it too. She knew that he had reservations about pursuing anything with her because of his mother and she understood that. She had experienced the whirlwind courtship with Joseph and she was happy for things to proceed with Robert at a more sedate pace. But she did want things to proceed and she knew that if he felt as strongly for her as she did for him then they could manage his mother. Unless she was wrong, but she felt certain that wasn’t the case.

 

Letting out an inaudible sigh of frustration, Alexandra knew that standing in the ballroom wasn’t going to resolve anything. She needed to understand what was happening, so gathering up her skirt so she wouldn’t trip she walked to the door that lead out the terrace, certain that Robert hadn’t gone any further.

 

“Robert?” she called out softly as she walked out onto the terrace. She immediately saw him standing at the railing, looking out across the gardens. He didn’t respond but she could see his shoulders tensing when she called his name.

 

“Robert,” she said more firmly as she came to stand beside him. “Why did you leave?”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never thought it would go this far,” he said.

 

“Go this far? What are you talking about? You haven’t done anything wrong,” she exclaimed.

 

“Haven’t I? I have no right to put you through what I have, not when I know what I have to do. It’s not fair on you. My only excuse, and I know that it is a poor one, is that I so enjoyed your company. I’ve never met anyone else like you,” he said with a small smile.

 

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” she countered with a small smile of her own. “And I’ve enjoyed all the time we’ve spent together as well. So I don’t understand why you think you’ve done something unfair to me.”

 

“It’s unfair because nothing can come of it,” he explained. “I want it to, so much, but I can’t do that to you. I should have stayed away from you as soon as I realised.”

 

“As soon as you realised what?”

 

“That I had fallen in love with you,” Robert said simply.

 

Alexandra was struck speechless by this. But there was something in her eyes that said she returned the feeling. That everything he felt for her she also felt for him and it started to draw Robert in. Before he even thought about the consequences he drew her closer and leaning down he gently kissed her. It was a soft, cautious kiss and needing more Alexandra moved closer to Robert, pushing herself up against him and he wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her there as the kiss became more intense.

 

Eventually the kiss came to an end and before he had a chance to apologise, which Alexandra knew he was going to do, she said, “I love you too.”

 

Not knowing how to respond to that, given his concerns, or how he was supposed to do the right thing after what they had just shared, Robert turned around and rested against the railing, facing towards the house. Taking his hand, Alexandra joined him, uncaring of the damage the stone could do to her delicate dress. They continued to sit in silence, enjoying the feeling of their hands clasped together, until Alexandra heard someone calling her name and she was forced to return inside. 


	16. What Mr Eames Saw

Out of the corner of his eye Mr Eames saw Mr Goren pull away from his daughter. He couldn’t hear what they were saying over the music but only moments later Mr Goren walked away, leaving Alexandra alone on the dance floor. Unwilling to replicate the impolite conduct of Mr Goren, Mr Eames continued to dance with his wife, whilst watching Alexandra as she stood there for a moment, before removing herself from the path of the other couples. If anyone else had noticed the strange event that had just taken place they didn’t show any sign of doing so and everyone danced on as though a couple hadn’t just left the floor.

 

Mr Eames didn’t know what could have caused so sudden a rift between the pair and it concerned him. The change that he had witnessed in his daughter since Mr Goren had moved into Canarsie House had been remarkable, although few outside of her family had been able to see it. She seemed to be happier and had a new willingness to explore and live a truly full life. She had been like that as a child but after Joseph’s death a small part of her had also died and it was Mr Goren who was able to resurrect that part of her personality, even if neither of them were aware of it. He was constantly finding her in the family library, trying to read everything she could find on a particular topic that she had discussed with Mr Goren. She had even taken to regularly reading the newspapers that were delivered from London, although that was something that she had been known to do on occasion in the past. Whilst some fathers may have been concerned at such behaviour in their daughters, Mr Eames was not, feeling that it was best not to inhibit his children’s personalities.

 

The courtship, for he had no doubt that it was a courtship although Mr Goren still had not spoken to him, was perhaps going more slowly that he would have like but it seemed to be making Alexandra happy. He supposed that because Alexandra had been married before, she did not feel the same pressure to find a husband that ladies who had never been married felt. But still he could see that Alexandra was starting to consider the possibility of having a family of her own, an opportunity she had previously thought lost to her. Like everyone else in the group, Mr Eames was also aware that Mr Goren had peculiar circumstances in relation to his mother and this was naturally going to impact upon any courtship. But he was sure that his daughter was strong enough to cope with any difficulties associated with Mrs Goren. Instead any reluctance seemed to be coming from Mr Goren, but surely Alexandra’s gentle persuasion would be enough to overcome that.

 

Finally the dance came to an end and Mr Eames was able to separate from his wife. Leading her over to the group of ladies she had been talking with before the dance, he bowed and went off in search of Alexandra. He hadn’t seen where Mr Goren had disappeared to, but had seen Alexandra dash through the doors to the terrace and he assumed she had seen Mr Goren heading that way.

 

Making his way across the room to the doors, he slowly peered around the plants that framed the doorway, not wanting to startle anyone with his presence. Alexandra had found Mr Goren and whilst they were standing quite closely, his head was lowered and his posture indicated defeat. Still they appeared to be talking, although Jonathon could not hear what they were saying. Evidentially Mr Goren said something quite profound and his daughter was struck speechless and she stared up at the man who towered above her. Not truly knowing what was passing between the couple Mr Eames was furious when he saw Mr Goren lean down and kiss Alexandra.

 

He should have marched out there and demanded that Mr Goren apologise for such outrageous conduct and remove himself from the ball at once. But as he saw Alexandra move closer to Mr Goren, he uncomfortably averted his eyes and looked down to the ground. He was not so old that he couldn’t remember the joy of a simple kiss and the rest of the attendees at the ball were happily occupied inside and were not likely to venture out to the terrace where they could see Alexandra and Mr Goren embracing. Knowing this, and knowing how Alexandra was likely to react if he tried to interrupt, he remained where he was.

 

Looking up a few minutes later he saw that their embrace had ended and they were both sitting up against the fence, their hands intertwined and resting in the folds of Alexandra’s skirts. Turning his attention back to the ballroom, Mr Eames could see that the evening was coming to an end and the guests were starting to say their goodbyes. This was now the time where somebody could potentially come out to the terrace and spy Mr Goren and Alexandra together. Still torn between his instincts to remove Alexandra at once and to give the young couple the time they needed, he opted for calling out her name, letting her know that she was needed inside.

 

“Alexandra?” he called. When there was no response he called again, a little bit louder, “Alexandra?” Hearing her coming he moved back into the light of the ballroom and when she approached him he didn’t say anything about what he had just witnessed, simply saying, “I think your mother is ready to leave.”

 

Escorting Alexandra back into the ballroom they found the rest of their party and began to gather their cloaks and reticules as the horses and carriages were brought around to the front of the house. Noticing that he hadn’t seen Mr Goren return from the terrace, he excused himself and went in search of the man. Whilst he was willing to not say anything about the incident he had just witnessed to Alexandra, it would be remiss of him as a father if something wasn’t said to Mr Goren.

 

Mr Eames found Mr Goren where Alexandra had left him, still sitting against the stone fence of the terrace.

 

“Mr Goren,” he said formally.

 

“Mr Eames?” he questioned, obviously not having expected anyone to interrupt his solitude.

 

“I wish to speak with you about a particular matter. Be at my house at nine tomorrow morning,” he demanded before walking away. He didn’t stay long enough to see whether Mr Goren indicated that he knew what matter Mr Eames wanted to discuss with him.

 

* * *

 

It was quiet convenient that Mr Eames’s study was at the front of the house and overlooked the driveway so he was able to see any visitors approaching. In the distance he could see Alexandra out riding with Miss Benson, where they were waiting for Mr Logan to join them. When a horse and rider started making their way up the driveway Miss Benson started riding towards them but Alexandra called her back, obviously recognising that the rider was not Mr Logan, but Mr Goren.

 

Although he knew that his visitor had arrived, Mr Eames didn’t make any move to leave his study and greet him. Instead he wanted Mr Goren to have to come to him. It wasn’t long before a servant showed Mr Goren in and in a further show of dominance Mr Eames didn’t rise from his chair to greet him, although he did ask him to take a seat.

 

“I saw you with my daughter last night,” Mr Eames said, wasting no time on small talk.

 

“We shared a number of dances Sir,” Robert replied uneasily.

 

“Don’t play the fool Goren, it doesn’t suit,” Mr Eames almost barked in return.

 

“The terrace,” he realised.

 

“Yes the terrace. I am quite sure neither of you were aware that you we being watched,” Mr Eames commented. “But what I am sure you are aware of is that I would be well within my rights to demand that you marry Alexandra.”

 

Mr Eames couldn’t decide if the look on Mr Goren’s face was one of horror or one of joy, or perhaps a little of both. “Ah, Sir…” he started.

 

“Alexandra may have been married but she is still my daughter and I will not have any man taking advantage of her. Do not think for one moment that her virtue is unimportant or that she should not be treated as any other unmarried woman should be treated.”

 

The idea that he would consider Alexandra to be a loose woman simply because she had been married angered Robert, “I have never thought such a thing about her, not for a moment.”

 

“Good. I’m glad to hear it,” Mr Eames said, backing down slightly. “Have you given any thought as to what last night could have done to Alexandra’s reputation had anyone saw you? There were friends there certainly, but there were also people who didn’t know you or my family. Such people would not hesitate to talk had they seen what occurred. And Alexandra would not be the only one affected.”

 

“Sir I don’t have any justification for what you witnessed, save that I care for your daughter, deeply.”

 

“I imagine if Mr Logan had seen you he would have challenged you to a duel,” he commented, gesturing to the window, where Mr Logan and the two ladies could just be made out in the distance. Whilst he had paid close attention to Mr Goren had just revealed, he wasn’t ready to address it just yet.

 

Mr Goren nodded, remembering the conversation he had had with Mr Logan where he had implied as much.

 

“However I was the one who saw you, not Mr Logan, so I will need to decide what I want done,” Mr Eames said.

 

“Yes sir,” Robert replied dutifully.

 

“Whilst I would be within my rights to demand that you marry Alexandra,” he repeated, “I do not think that would be the right thing to be done, for anyone. I would have heard by now if anyone had witnessed last night, so Alexandra’s reputation remains intact.”

 

“Then why…” Robert started.

 

“Let me finish,” Mr Eames interrupted. “I’m not going to demand that you marry Alexandra, but I do expect you to do the right thing. I think you know what I mean.”

 

“I want to Mr Eames, but I’m afraid I don’t know what the right thing is in these particular circumstances,” Mr Goren said, revealing just a part of the confusion that had been his companion for so many weeks now.

 

“You’ve woken my daughter up Mr Goren, I haven’t seen her this happy in years. Not many people are able to find that with each other.”

 

“If only I could guarantee that,” Mr Goren replied.

 

“You don’t believe that you can?”

 

“Do you want the best for your daughter Mr Eames?” Mr Goren asked, suddenly turning the conversation around so he was the interrogator.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Consider someone like Mr Logan. Handsome, kind, wealthy with land of his own, a home here and in London. He and Alexandra obviously adore each other. And there is nothing in his life that could cause heartache for Alexandra. Wouldn’t you prefer that she married someone like him?” Mr Goren asked.

 

“Those are all wonderful attributes and I would be happy to give Mr Logan Alexandra’s hand, except for one issue. They don’t love each other,” Mr Eames said simply. “They would have a comfortable marriage I have no doubt, but they wouldn’t be happy. Or at least not as happy as they could be.”

 

“I see,” Mr Goren said, trying to accept what Mr Eames was telling him.

 

“I’m not a hard man Mr Goren. I’m flexible on a great many things but this is one thing I will not be swayed on. None of my children will ever marry someone they don’t love and who doesn’t love them in return.”

 

“That’s a very admirable intention,” he replied.

 

“So does that mean I can trust you to do the right thing here?” Mr Eames asked, watching Mr Goren carefully.

 

“It means that you can trust me to do the right thing for Alexandra,” he promised.

 

Whilst it wasn’t the answer he was hoping for, Mr Eames accepted it for now, hoping that time would show Mr Goren the road that he and Alexandra were meant to walk together. 


	17. Return to London

The stable was silent as Alexandra brushed down her horse, Michael and Olivia having left so that Michael could escort Olivia back to the Benson estate. She had turned downKenneth’s offer to groom and feed the horse, preferring to do it herself and take the opportunity to think, uninterrupted. Whilst she adored her family, it seemed that she rarely had any time truly to herself in the house, so the stables were her escape. Reaching for the horse’s mane, she carefully started to comb through the tangles that had developed during their ride that morning, letting her mind wander with the repetitive action.

 

She had seen Robert arrive at the house that morning. Whilst Olivia had mistaken him for Michael, the two men presenting a similar silhouette on horseback, Alexandra had immediately recognised that it was not the man they had been expecting. Despite both men having no doubt received similar horsemanship training growing up, they carried themselves in very different ways, at least it seemed that way to Alexandra.

 

Once they had returned to the Eames property after their morning ride there was no sign that Robert was still there, his horse having gone from the stable. After securing her horse she had quickly rushed inside to see if there had been any message or note left for her, thinking that perhaps Robert had come to call on her and left once he realised that she was not there. But there was nothing for her, not even someone asking after her, and she had returned to the stables. She wondered what could have brought Robert to the house and why he hadn’t even attempted to see her. Her father had called her back into the house the previous night before they had had the opportunity to discuss what the kiss they had shared had meant for them.

 

Alexandra was not naïve enough to think that Robert had come to the house in order to ask her father’s permission for her hand in marriage. Whilst she knew that matters had progressed the previous evening with their kiss, she also knew that Robert was holding back from her. He cared for her, deeply, and he hadn’t been able to hide what he felt for her when they had kissed but she had sensed there was a much stronger passion just hidden beneath the surface. He just needed to allow himself to let it show and to act upon it. She had tried to show him what she felt for him in their kiss, but it hadn’t been enough for him to release what was holding him back.

 

Although he had never spoken of it she was well aware that the issue lay with his mother’s health. Everyone knew that he had moved to Hertfordshire because of her illness and of course there had been the incident at the picnic, but no one else had seen how defeated he had appeared afterwards. She could see why he had gradually pulled away from London society, as Olivia had explained to her. His very existence was becoming more and more devoted to his mother’s care and she was afraid that eventually he would be lost to it. He seemed to know and accept that however, but he didn’t want Alexandra to suffer the same fate.

 

He felt that by holding back from her, he was saving her. It was a misguided sense of honour that was driving him, believing that he was saving her from a miserable life. But at the same time he was sacrificing his own happiness to do so. What he didn’t realise however, was that in a way he was also sacrificing Alexandra’s happiness as well. He couldn’t see that being with him was going to make her happy. Instead all he focused on were the difficulties that his mother’s health was going to cause, and he believed that those difficulties were going to override everything else that they could share together.

 

Before Robert had moved to Canarsie House, Alexandra had been content with her life. She had accepted that the happiness that marriage and a family of her own could bring was not likely to occur, but she still had her family and friends and the joy of watching them with their families. Robert’s arrival had made her realise that that future was not entirely lost for her and whilst she knew that she would continue to be content if it did not happen she could see no good reason why it should be denied.

 

She knew that caring for Frances Goren could not be easy and that it would be impossible for it to not impact on others’ lives. But she also knew that Robert should not have to manage the situation on his own. In all of his thoughts of protecting Alexandra from the situation, he didn’t seem to realise that the burden of the situation would be halved if he had someone to share it with. And whilst Alexandra was no martyr, she wanted to share that burden with him because she loved him and wanted to be by his side in all aspects of his life, good and bad.

 

However, despite all the thought that she had no doubt that Robert had given to the situation, Alexandra knew that he would not have considered it from that perspective and she wondered what it would take for that to occur.

 

* * *

 

Whilst Alexandra was correct in thinking that Robert had spend hours dissecting the dilemma that he faced, in the days that had passed since they had kissed he had barely had a moment to himself. He was finally at a stage where he would soon be able to conduct most of his business dealings from Hertfordshire however he still had some final matters to be resolved that required his presence in London. Hence it was two days after the ball that he found himself in London having dinner with an old friend. John Munch was one of the few people in London that Robert would call a true friend and his company had been something he had missed since moving to Hertfordshire.

 

Despite the fact that Robert was usually able to converse on a range of topics with John, tonight he was unable to keep his mind focused. Without the minutia of business to focus on, his thoughts kept drifting back to Alexandra, the kiss they had shared and what Mr Eames had said to him. Could he truly ask Alexandra to share in his life? He still wasn’t convinced that it was the right thing to do, no matter how much he loved her.

 

“And so to solve this problem the royal family is going to distribute half of the crown jewels to the inhabitants of Whitechapel,” John concluded.

 

“What?” Robert asked, the peculiar statement drawing him back to the here and now.

 

“Oh you are here!” John exclaimed. “I was starting to think that I was having a conversation with myself.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Robert sighed. “My mind keeps drifting tonight.”

 

“I can see that,” John agreed.

 

“So what were you saying?” Robert said, determined to focus on his current company and forget about his problems at home for more than five minutes.

 

“It wasn’t important,” John decided, shaking his head. “Is something the matter, you’ve been distracted all evening.”

 

“I’m just tired,” Robert tried to insist. “You know how London can be and of course there are matters at home.”

 

“Your mother?” John guessed. John had been one of the few people in London who had had any real knowledge of Mrs Goren’s condition. “The country air hasn’t helped?”

 

“Not a lot, no,” Robert confirmed. “She likes the house in Hertfordshire more than the one in London, but I still haven’t been able to take her out to see the countryside as much as she would have liked.”

 

“Hmm. But that’s not the only problem, is it?” John questioned, raising his eyebrows.

 

“No,” Robert tried to deny it. “You know that business and Ma takes up most of my time.”

 

“But not all of it,” John countered. “Something else has definitely happened since you moved to Hertfordshire.”

 

“Not something. Someone,” Robert admitted.

 

“Oh,” John exclaimed. “Someone of the female persuasion?”

 

“Alexandra.”

 

“And?” John urged.

 

“And I’m in love with her,” Robert said simply.

 

“You don’t sound very happy about that,” John commented.

 

“I can’t be. The circumstances are complicated.”

 

“She doesn’t feel the same way?” John asked sympathetically.

 

“No she does,” Robert said, recalling Alexandra’s admission after he kissed her. “That’s what makes this so much more difficult.”

 

“Alright, I think you need to fully explain this situation, because what you’re saying doesn’t make sense,” John directed.

 

“She is the eldest daughter of a local gentleman. She’s kind and intelligent, very well read and accomplished. I can have the most wonderful conversations with her on any topic you can imagine. The first time I ever spoke with her she had caught me rolling a coin and she actually asked me to teach her how to do it! I’ve never met another woman like her,” Robert said with a faint smile. “She has this way of making you feel perfectly at ease. Her brother and sister have families of their own and she is such a wonderful aunt. She absolutely adores her youngest nephew Nathan. She’s beautiful, but very unassuming. She’s not like the women you tend to find in London who are so caught up in their appearance that they have little time for anything else.”

 

“She sounds wonderful. So what’s the problem?” John asked.

 

“Alexandra was married. A few years ago her husband was killed in a hunting accident. It absolutely devastated her and she rarely talks about him. Since there were no children she didn’t stay in her husband’s home, instead she returned to her parents’,” Robert explained.

 

“So she’s a widow,” John shrugged. “I didn’t think that would be of any concern to you.”

 

“It’s not!” Robert exclaimed. “But she’s already suffered; I don’t want to bring anymore heartache into her life.”

 

“How would you do that?”

 

“Not me, Ma,” Robert said, dropping his head in shame at what he was saying. Although he knew it was true, he hated saying anything like this about his mother.

 

“Does this Alexandra know about your mother?” John asked.

 

“She knows,” Robert said, nodding in confirmation. “Everyone knows.” At John’s questioning look he explained, “I attempted to hold a picnic at the house. Ma was having a bad day and escaped from Miss Olivet. She started ranting in front of everyone. Everyone said they understood, but they all left. Except for Alexandra. She stayed to see whether I needed anything or if there was anything she could do.”

 

“Well that’s a good thing isn’t it?”

 

“Every time she does something like I fall a little bit more in love with her. And that’s why I can’t do anything. I love her too much to subject her to a life of caring for Ma and I can’t send Ma away. On her better days she still tells me that I should, but I know it would kill her to be locked up like that.” Robert outlined his quandary.

 

“That’s very noble of you but who are you making happy by not doing anything? I can see you’re miserable and if she’s in love with you I can’t imagine she will be happy if you continue to do nothing,” John pointed out.

 

“I know,” Robert sighed. “If it wasn’t for Ma I would have left Hertfordshire as soon as I realised I was falling in love with her. I should have stayed away from her, but I couldn’t do it, I just needed to see her, to be with her.”

 

“Robert,” John said pointedly. “If it weren’t for your mother you wouldn’t be in this situation. Unless there is some other reason why you think you shouldn’t marry this Alexandra?”

 

“True,” Robert agreed. “And no, there isn’t.”

 

“Robert, I am probably the last person you should be speaking to about this. I chose my wife because she was beautiful and look at how that ended. We didn’t get along at all and she left me,” John joked darkly.  “We weren’t compatible and I didn’t care to get to know her before we married. But it sounds like you do know Alexandra, enough to know that she is the right woman for you. And it is worth taking that chance. It might not work, but I think you know that isn’t going to happen. But if you don’t marry her I can guarantee that you at the very least will be miserable. You’re miserable now,” John emphasised.

 

“I know. But maybe she isn’t,” Robert said, not realising that Alexandra had also been agonising over what they had shared. “And that is what’s important.”

 

“That she isn’t miserable?” John questioned. When Robert nodded in affirmation he continued, “How can you possibly know that? Has she told you that she’s perfectly happy when you’re not there and that it doesn’t bother her in the slightest whether you’re in Hertfordshire or London?”

 

“Well not exactly...” Robert said slowly.

 

“Then how can you say a thing like that?” he asked. “If she loves you then it’s only natural that she will miss you. You said she was widowed? She’s already lost one love through circumstances she couldn’t control, why would you put her through that again? Robert trust me, if she loves you and you don’t marry her, you will both be miserable.”

 

“Maybe,” Robert agreed. What John was saying did make sense, but whilst John did have some understanding of his mother, having witnessed her outbursts, he didn’t know Alexandra. How could he say with absolute certainty that Alexandra would be miserable if they did not marry? He needed that certainty before he could make a decision. Nonetheless, deep down what John had said had started to alleviate his doubts. 


	18. Under the Shade of a Tree

The day that the Eameses had chosen for their picnic turned out to be quite warm and as soon as she had arisen Mrs Eames had decided that she wanted to move the picnic to down beside the lake, rather than having it on the lawns near the house. Before the summer sun had made it too warm, the servants had spread out umbrellas and blankets for the group to use and there were large shady trees nearby if anyone got too warm. There were platters of food spread out and Mr Eames had even managed to obtain ice to keep their drinks cool, something that impressed the entire party.

 

Still the heat of the day didn’t prevent the children from wanting to play and they had managed to entice Alexandra and Olivia to join them in a rather lazy ball game. As Mr Logan heckled them from his spot on a nearby picnic rug the two ladies laughed alongside the children, unconcerned with any spots of dirt or grass stains that they were inflicted upon their dresses.  

 

Away from rest of the group, Robert stood beneath the shade of a tall tree, leaning up against the trunk. After his conversation with John he had needed to see Alexandra once more and had been pleased to see the invitation from the Eameses waiting for him in his study when he returned home. Obviously Mr Eames had not decided that Robert was a lost cause when it came to his daughter and believed that he was still worthy of an invitation. However, as he had arrived at the picnic later than the other guests, Robert had not had a chance to approach Alexandra and, not wanting to interrupt the children’s game, was content to watch her from a distance.

 

He was fascinated by the way she behaved around the children, so completely at ease and constantly smiling. Her young nephew Nathan had decided that has was tired of the game that the other children were playing and crawled into his aunt’s lap for a cuddle, effectively taking her out of the game. Allowing his mind to wander he began to imagine what it would be like to see Alexandra play with their children. Despite his current doubts about being able to share a future with her he could see the image so clearly in his mind that he could scarcely believe it wasn’t real. He imagined them sitting by this very lake as Alexandra held the hands of their child as he or she took their very first steps, or joining in their games as the grew older.

 

“I used to look at Angela like that,” a voice suddenly commented from beside him.

 

Quickly straightening up Robert turned around to see that Mr Deakins was standing beside him, also looking out over the scene of the two ladies playing with the children.

 

“Excuse me?” Robert asked, puzzled at seeming to have landed in the middle of a conversation he didn’t remember starting.

 

“When we were first married I used to look at Angela like she was the most important thing in my world,” Mr Deakins explained. “Of course she still is, but there is something about a young man in love that shows more than an older man in love.”

 

Robert didn’t pretend not to know what Mr Deakins was talking about, but he didn’t confirm it either.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“Someone told me, just like I’m telling you. You can always recognise it in someone else, but never yourself,” Mr Deakins said with a smile. Turning more serious he continued, “No matter how perfect a marriage looks from the outside, they all have problems Mr Goren.”

 

“I don’t doubt that,” Robert agreed.

 

“But when a husband and wife truly love each other, they will persevere through any obstacles. Obstacles that they might not survive on their own,” he said meaningfully.

 

“But if an obstacle already exists, should you subject someone you love to that?” Robert questioned.

 

Mr Deakins ignored Robert’s question. “Consider Mr and Mrs Cragen,” he said, pointing to the couple who were sitting with Mr and Mrs Stabler. “They have never had children, which is difficult for any couple, but Mrs Cragen was also injured in a carriage accident, quite severely. It took them both years to fully recover from the effects of that accident, but they did, together. They make each other happy and that is enough to help them get past what they have endured.”

 

“I had heard about the accident, but I didn’t realise it was that serious,” Robert commented.

 

“At first the doctors didn’t believe that Mrs Cragen was going to survive. But Angela believes that she pulled through because of Mr Cragen,” Mr Deakins replied.

 

“Do you believe that as well?”

 

“Yes,” he answered simply.

 

They stood in silence for a moment as they continued to watch Alexandra and Olivia play with the children and Robert’s heart seemed to skip a beat when Alexandra glanced over at them and gave a small smile.

 

“She looks at you the same way,” Mr Deakins finally commented.

 

“She does?” Robert questioned, although he knew that what Mr Deakins said was true.

 

“She does and has done so for a while,” he confirmed. “I saw you dancing together at the last ball, you were the only thing in her world at that moment. She loves you Mr Goren, as much as you love her and it would be terrible if that love were wasted. You shouldn’t deny yourselves the happiness that everyone can see you will find together. Stop torturing yourself and speak with Mr Eames.”

 

“The last thing I want to do is be responsible for any pain in Alexandra’s life,” Robert said, finally giving voice to her name.

 

“Alexandra is a very strong woman Robert. She had only been married three years when her husband died and she was devastated, but she didn’t let it define who she is. I won’t deny that it did change her, but she is strong enough that in most respects she is still the same Alexandra that we all knew before her marriage. I know that you think you are trying to do the right thing and that Alexandra shouldn’t have to help you care for your mother but I will tell you right now that you are wrong,” Mr Deakins said firmly.

 

“I am?” Robert asked.

 

“I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, from what I’ve seen I’m sure it will be, but Alexandra will be able to manage caring for your mother. I dare say that with Alexandra’s help you will be able to better care for her than you could on your own. It won’t break her and whilst there will be difficult moments; Alexandra is too good a woman to ever resent your mother for things that can’t be helped,” he explained.

 

“I agree,” Robert said. “But just because she could do it doesn’t mean that I should ask that of her.”

 

“Well think on this then,” Mr Deakins stated. “If you leave Alexandra it will devastate her. I can guarantee that. She will put on a brave face and tell everyone that she is fine, but she won’t be.”

 

“How can you be so sure of that?” Robert asked. Since he had met Alexandra he had been convinced that subjecting her to a life with his mother was the worst thing that he could do to her. He knew that she might have been upset for a short while if he were to end his acquaintance with her but surely that was a small price to pay. Now however, he was starting to think that he had been wrong. Perhaps it had been his parents’ unhappy marriage that had influenced him, but he hadn’t previously thought that love could overcome life’s obstacles. He knew that love meant sacrifice, but perhaps that did not always have to mean that the love needed to be sacrificed. There seemed to be so many people telling him that a life with Alexandra was something that he could, indeed should, have. At the thought that perhaps this could be his future, Robert felt the weight on his heart lifting slightly.

 

“Because I’ve known Alexandra since she was a child and it’s clear to everyone how much she cares for you,” Mr Deakins explained.

 

“Perhaps everyone is right,” Robert murmured.

 

“We are,” Mr Deakins said.

 

“James?” Mrs Deakins called, interrupting the men’s conversation. “Can you come here a moment please?”

 

“If you’ll excuse me?” Mr Deakins said.

 

“Of course,” Robert replied.

 

“Think about it,” Mr Deakins called over his shoulder as he walked out from under the shade of the tree.

 

“I will,” Robert replied, so softly that it was unlikely that Mr Deakins heard him. He was so close to making the decision that would change the rest of his life, he felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. He knew there was a chance that he could fall, but everyone was telling him that he would fly with Alexandra.

 

Alexandra had been watching Robert as she played with the children, wondering when he was going to approach her. After he had arrived at the picnic she had expected him to come to her, instead he had remained on the periphery of the party. She wanted to speak with him and when she saw Mrs Deakins call her husband away she seized the opportunity. Excusing herself from Olivia and the children she walked over to Robert, knowing that he was watching her approach.

 

“That conversation looked very serious,” she commented when she reached him. “Is everything alright?”

 

“It was,” Robert agreed. “It opened my eyes to certain things. It seems that everyone else has been able to see what was right in front of me.”

 

“So you have been shown the error of your ways?” Alexandra questioned.

 

“In a manner of speaking, yes.”

 

“And what was it that you couldn’t see?” she asked.

 

“You,” he said with a mysterious smile.

 

“Me?” she said, sounding puzzled. “What do you mean, I’ve always been here.”

 

Quickly glancing around to check that nobody was watching them, Robert grabbed Alexandra’s hand and pulled her around to the other side of the tree, where the thick trunk would hide them from the rest of the party.

 

“Robert!” Alexandra laughed, “What are you doing?”

 

He peered around the tree once more to check that no-one had witnessed their disappearing act.

 

“Robert?”

 

“This,” he said and reaching down to her hips he guided her backwards until her back was up against the tree trunk. Gently tilting her chin upwards with his fingers he leaned down to kiss her. Whilst their first kiss had started timidly, this one was confident, with both Robert and Alexandra knowing exactly what they wanted.  Tightening his grip on her hips he pushed her more firmly against the tree with the weight of his body and reaching up she started to run her fingers through the curls that brushed the top of his collar. She groaned as he ran his tongue along her lips and eagerly returned the action.

 

Finally the need to breath overcame them and resting his forehead against her’s, Robert whispered, “I love you Alexandra.”

 

“I love you too,” she replied.

 

“Good,” he said, giving her a brief kiss before pulling her into a hug.

 

“Robert, what’s wrong?” she asked. Whilst she was thrilled to know how much she affected him, she also knew that there needed to be a reason why he would so easily flaunt society’s rules again. Surely he knew the trouble they could find themselves in if anyone found them in this compromising position.

 

“What happened the other night, at the ball, I needed to be sure that it wasn’t a dream,” he explained.

 

“It wasn’t a dream. I love you Robert,” she reassured him.

 

That was it, he decided, and he knew what he needed to do next. Suddenly realising the compromising position he had placed Alexandra in, he said, “We’re almost there Alexandra, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long.” With that cryptic comment he then pulled away from her and slowly walked out from behind the tree, appearing as though he didn’t have a care in the world.

 

Knowing that he was ensuring her reputation wasn’t tarnished in any way; Alexandra remained behind the tree and watched as Robert walked towards the picnic. She could see there was something different in the way that he was walking, as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he was happy.

 

After a few minutes, when she was sure that nobody was looking in her direction, Alexandra also emerged from behind the tree. She wasn’t entirely sure what Robert had meant when he had said that they were almost there, but his kiss had told her that he wasn’t going to hold back from her any longer. Until she had met Robert she hadn’t believed that she would be given this opportunity again or that she would truly be ready for it, but now that it had she couldn’t imagine her life any other way and she didn’t want any other life. As she walked back to Olivia and the children, she couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she thought of what her future would entail. 


	19. His Decision

For the fifth time since he had left Canarsie House, Robert reached into his pocket to check that the small box was still there. He was nervous, there was no denying that, although he knew from his last conversation with Mr Eames that he would say yes. Still he imagined that it was only natural to feel nervous under these circumstances and he couldn’t help but think that perhaps something might have happened that would cause Mr Eames to change his mind. Perhaps now that he had had time to think about it he would have realised that it was a terrible idea and he would never consider letting Alexandra marry a man like Robert. But he couldn’t allow himself to dwell on such thoughts and he knew deep down that Mr Eames was not going to have changed his mind.

 

Pulling the small box out of his pocket and opening it, Robert studied the emerald ring. It wasn’t a large stone and it sat between two smaller diamonds. When he had found the ring it had been sitting in a trunk that he hadn’t know existed and had only been brought out for the purposes of moving it to Canarsie House. As soon as he had opened the box he had known that the ring would suit Alexandra perfectly. He also hoped that the history of the ring would continue to be a happy one if Alexandra agreed to wear it.

 

Studying the family portraits that had been hung throughout the house, Robert learned that the ring had belonged to his great grandmother and he remembered long ago hearing the servants in London talk about her. Her marriage had been an arranged one and she was considered the perfect bride for the Goren family because of her large dowry. However upon meeting Robert’s great grandparents had immediately fallen in love and had been entirely devoted to one another for the rest of their lives. Robert’s father had been close to his grandparents and it had often been wondered how he could have behaved so poorly in his own marriage after seeing the example that his grandparents had set. Robert knew that he wanted his own marriage to be nothing like his parents’, and he hoped that by giving this ring to Alexandra he would give their marriage the best start possible.

 

It was perhaps somewhat overeager to be carrying the ring when he was still to get permission from Mr Eames but Robert didn’t want to waste another moment. Once Mr Eames had said yes he planned to immediately seek out Alexandra. Despite this he was determined not to put a foot out of place. He had written to Mr Eames requesting a suitable time to meet with him and was prepared to answer any questions the older man might have. He also knew that he needed to fully explain the situation with his mother.

 

As he looked out the window of the carriage Robert saw the Eames manor coming into view. Snapping the box closed he placed it back in his pocket before straightening out his coat. The servants at the Eames household were obviously expecting his arrival, as the door to his carriage was immediately opened and he was led to Mr Eames’s study.

 

“Ah good morning Mr Goren,” Mr Eames said cheerfully, standing up and walking around the desk to greet Robert, his manner entirely different to the last time they had met in his study.

 

“Good morning Mr Eames,” Robert replied. “I hope you are well this morning?”

 

“I am. It’s a wonderful day, wouldn’t you agree?”

 

“Of course,” Robert dutifully agreed, although he had been sufficiently nervous during the drive over that he had paid little attention to the weather.

 

“Well take a seat, you said you had something important you want to discuss with me,” Mr Eames said, leading Robert over to the seats in front of the fire place.

 

“Yes,” Robert said, taking a seat. “I wanted to ask for your permission to marry Alexandra.”

 

“You’re certainly not one to waste any time on small talk are you,” Mr Eames laughed. Seeing the crestfallen look already appearing on Robert’s face he immediately sobered. “I did the same thing when I proposed to Margaret. Her father was a huge man and I was afraid that he was going to pick me up and throw me out of the house. I wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible.”

 

Robert stayed silent, not wanting to respond in a way that would offend Mr Eames.

 

“So I’ll make this as painless as possible for you. You have my permission to marry Alexandra. Assuming of course that that is her wish as well,” Mr Eames said. “I knew that with time you would do the right thing, you just needed to realise in your own way that this is what is best for everyone.”

 

“Thank you very much Mr Eames,” Robert said. But although he sounded relieved there was still a hint of nervousness in his voice. “However before you give your permission, I feel that there are some things that you should know about. You need to know exactly what you are saying yes to.”

 

Furrowing his eyebrows slightly in concern, Mr Eames motioned for Robert to continue, saying, “Alright, I’m listening.”

 

“Obviously you saw what happened with my mother on the day of the picnic at Canarsie House,” Robert started. “I’m not sure how much Alexandra told you...”

 

“Alexandra hasn’t told us anything,” Mr Eames interrupted. “If you told her anything in confidence I can assure you that she would not have discussed it with anyone, not even her family.”

 

Needing to explain the situation to Mr Eames, Robert ignored the comment about Alexandra’s loyalty. “I haven’t been able to find a doctor who can tell me exactly what is wrong with my mother, all we know is that there is a problem with her mind. I first knew that was something wrong with her when I was about eight years old, although I suspect it was longer than that. Unfortunately it has only gotten worse over the years. On some days she is perfectly fine but on her bad days...the best way to describe it is to say that she imagines that things which are not real are in fact true. What she imagines is not nice, and it can make her angry and upset. Ever since I was old enough I have been trying to find doctors that are able to help her. We’ve seen dozens of them, and they have all prescribed different medicines and treatments, but nothing has worked. My father would threaten to send her to a sanatorium; however he died before he was able to follow through. But I have a nurse for her and all the servants in the household know what is expected when she has an episode.”

 

“That was the woman who came from the house that day?” Mr Eames asked.

 

“Yes,” Robert nodded. “My mother is constantly under Miss Olivet’s care, even on her good days. On her good days, you would not suspect that there was anything wrong with her and it some ways that is what makes her condition so difficult to live with. You never can predict what sort of mood she will be in.”

 

“It certainly sounds as though she would make your life interesting,” Mr Eames commented.

 

“Interesting is one way to describe it,” Robert replied. “But as...interesting as life with my mother can be, you should know that unlike my father I have no plans to send her away. My mother will continue to live with me, and if we are to marry, with Alexandra, for as long as possible. There have been doctors who have recommended that I send her to a special home in London where she can be cared for but I know that being locked up like that would only make her worse. The only circumstances under which I would send her away are if she became a physical danger to Alexandra or any children that we might have. Those are the only circumstances,” he emphasised.

 

Explaining the situation seemed to have sapped the energy from Robert and pausing for a moment he leaned back into his chair. Still he watched Mr Eames carefully, waiting for a sign that he had either accepted what Robert had told him or that he was reconsidering whether it was wise to let Alexandra marry into this particular family.

 

“I will understand if you say no,” he continued. “But I think it is important that you know what Alexandra’s life will be like if you say yes. I will protect her as best I can but she will be exposed to it.”

 

Mr Eames studied Robert carefully for a moment. “Do you think that by marrying you my daughter will be entirely miserable?”

 

“No, of course not. At least I hope not,” Robert protested.

 

“Why do you want to marry Alexandra Mr Goren?” Mr Eames asked. “Because it seems to me that you are only focusing on the negatives. You want to marry her; this should be a happy occasion.”

 

“I love your daughter Mr Eames, that is why I want to marry her. I want to do everything in my power to give her the life she wants and deserves. I can’t deny that there will be difficult times. Only a fool would say that there will be no difficult times in a marriage, although I think I can safely say that some of the difficulties we encounter will be somewhat unique. So I cannot guarantee that there will not be unhappy times. What I can say however, is that because I love Alexandra and because she loves me, I feel we will be unhappy if we are unable to marry. And that unhappiness will be stronger than any we experience together,” he concluded.

 

“Good,” Mr Eames smiled, pleased at the convictions that Mr Goren was displaying.

 

“Good?” Robert asked. He felt certain that Mr Eames would have chastised him for the claims he had just made, especially in relation to Alexandra’s feelings.

 

“You love Alexandra and want to make her happy. That’s all I wanted to hear,” Mr Eames explained. “Everything else you will work through together. But I won’t have Alexandra marry someone who isn’t strong in their convictions.”

 

“Then I still have your permission?” Robert asked.

 

“You do,” Mr Eames confirmed. “I’ve thought for a while now that you were the right man for Alexandra and what you’ve said today only confirms that.”

 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked, tilting his head slightly.

 

“The consideration that you’ve shown to Alexandra and your mother. There aren’t many men who would have been so considerate of their feelings Mr Goren. It’s clear to me that you will always do what is best for my daughter and the fact that you took so long to come to me shows that you would have been willing to sacrifice what you wanted if that was the right thing to do.”

 

“Thank you sir,” Robert said, somewhat bashfully, unused to the type of praise that he was receiving from the older man, having never received such attention from his own father.

 

“Alexandra is in the library,” Mr Eames said, standing and returning to his desk.

 

“I beg your pardon?” Robert asked, confused.

 

“Alexandra. I assume that you will want to be having a conversation with her?” he hinted.

 

“Yes, of course,” Robert realised. Getting to his feet, he quickly walked over to the desk to shake Mr Eames’s hand. Reaching into his pocket to check that the ring was still there he walked out of the study and down the hall to the library.

 

Whilst he had been nervous before his conversation with Mr Eames, Robert was perfectly calm as he approached the library to speak with Alexandra. She loved him and he was confident that she would say yes. Knocking on the library door he waited until she called out to enter the room.

 

“Robert,” she exclaimed, a look of delight crossing her features. “I thought I saw your carriage arrive earlier, but I wasn’t certain.”

 

“I needed to speak with your father,” he explained. Walking across the room he took a seat next to Alexandra and boldly leaned forward to capture her lips in a kiss.

 

“Mmm,” she murmured when they separated. “What about?”

 

“About a very important question,” he answered with a cheeky grin.

 

“And?”

 

“And he said yes,” Robert explained.

 

“Yes to what?”

 

“Yes to me marrying his daughter,” he said taking her hands.

 

“Elizabeth’s husband might have something to say about that,” Alexandra retorted, unable to keep the smile from her face.

 

“That’s not the daughter I had in mind,” he growled playfully before stealing another kiss. What he had intended to be a brief kiss quickly became much more heated. In the back of his mind Robert hoped that no-one would enter the library as he gently pushed Alexandra backwards and rested his weight against her. Slowly bringing the kiss to an end, he propped himself up with one arm whilst reaching into his pocket with the other to retrieve the ring.

 

“Marry me?” he asked simply, holding the ring out for her inspection.

 

But Alexandra ignored the ring and instead looked straight into his eyes as she said, “Yes. Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” Although the ring was beautiful, it didn’t matter to her. All that matter was the wonderful feeling in heart as she agreed to spend the rest of her life by Robert’s side. Looking up at him she knew that he felt the same way, the love in his eyes almost overwhelming her with its intensity and she never wanted to be without it again.  


	20. A Beginning

It was a brilliantly sunny afternoon as Alexandra stepped out of the carriage and walked into the small church on the arm of her father. Ahead of them walked Olivia who was wearing a soft pink dress. As it was her second wedding, Alexandra had chosen not to wear white, instead she was wearing a dress of the palest green and carried for her bouquet a selection of wild flowers that had been gathered from the grounds of the Eames house, as well as Canarsie House.  There was no adornment outside the church that indicated a wedding was to take place, however the atmosphere inside was unmistakeable.

 

It had only been a month since Robert had proposed to Alexandra but they had seen no reason to delay their wedding. They only had to wait for a licence to be arranged and for Elizabeth and Charles to come with their families. As they entered the church Alexandra could feel the eyes of her family and friends on her, everyone beaming, but she only had eyes for Robert, who was standing near the minister with Michael beside him. The two men had become close friends and Robert felt it was fitting that not only had he found his lifelong companion in Hertfordshire, but his best friend as well. He had truly left his life in London in the past and the people gathered in the church represented his future.

 

Although Robert had liked Michael since their first meeting, it wasn’t until the misunderstanding regarding Michael’s intentions towards Alexandra had been resolved that their friendship was truly able to develop. They had later discussed Michael’s relationship with Alexandra and Michael had explained that strangers had often asked whether they were courting, but that he also received similar questions when he was seen with Olivia. Those who knew the three young people realised however that it was simply the nature of the relationship that had developed growing up so closely to each other. What one person saw as the actions of a courting couple, others saw as the actions of siblings.

 

In many ways the two men were quite different. Although they had similar childhoods and upbringings, Robert’s interests tended towards the more intellectual, whilst on more than one occasion Michael had been accused of being low-brow, a description that was not entirely false. However they tended to bring out the best in each other and Alexandra was thrilled that her husband and one of her closest friends would be such good friends. As a result there had been no question that Michael would stand up with Robert on his wedding day.

 

All the families that Alexandra had grown up with, and who Robert now considered his own friends, had come to the church to attend their wedding. The only person Robert had invited from London was John Munch, so the Hertfordshire families were evenly distributed amongst the pews allocated to the bride and groom. On Alexandra’s side sat her family, along with Mr Benson and the Cragens. On Robert’s side sat the Stablers and the Deakins and most importantly Frances Goren.

 

Robert and Frances had not been sure as to whether she was going to be able to attend the wedding. Whilst she was desperate to see her son get married, the last thing she wanted to do was cause another incident and mar the day in any way. She wanted to make sure that Robert and Alexandra would be able to look back on the day as a perfect one. Whilst Robert had argued that they day could not be perfect if she wasn’t there, they all knew that it was potentially an impossible situation. As much as they did not like the idea they all accepted that if Frances was having a bad day on the morning of the wedding she would simply have to remain at Canarsie House with Miss Olivet.

 

Happily however when she had awoken that morning she had been calm and rational, although unable to completely contain her excitement and Miss Olivet had decided that she was well enough to attend the wedding. Naturally Miss Olivet was also to attend the wedding, just in case, but Frances declared that she was attending as a friend, rather than as an employee. She had grown fond of the young woman who was her nurse and in the years to come she would be considered an integral part of the Goren family.

 

Only a few days after Robert had proposed to Alexandra he had arranged for her to come to Canarsie House to meet Frances. Although both women had heard plenty about each other it was important that they meet face to face. As expected they had gotten on wonderfully and whilst their conversations had initially revolved around Robert, they had quickly found a range of topics to talk about. Frances was thrilled that Robert had found such a delightful bride and said that she had always felt that the move to Hertfordshire would bring wonderful things to him. She seemed to be just as eager for the wedding to take place as Robert and Alexandra were and was looking forward to having Alexandra as a daughter in law. She had decided that she was much nicer than any of the women in London and would be the perfect wife for Robert. She could tell that Alexandra would always be Robert’s equal, which was what he needed after so many years having to do everything alone.  

 

As the meeting between Alexandra and Frances had gone so well, a week before the wedding he had arranged a small dinner so that his mother could also meet Alexandra’s parents. The dinner had out of necessity been arranged at the last moment to ensure that Frances was well enough to attend and it had gone as well as could be expected. Mrs Eames had been somewhat shaken by Frances’s outburst at the picnic but had tried to put aside her fears for the sake of her daughter. Whilst it was unlikely that Frances would ever be close friends with the Eameses, she was nonetheless pleased that her future daughter in law came from such a good family.

 

Amidst the wedding preparations Alexandra had taken the time to write to the Duttons. Over the years she had continued to write to Peter and he knew of Robert, however correspondence with Joseph’s parents was less frequent and Alexandra felt that it was important that they knew of her plans to remarry. Sufficient time had passed since Joseph’s death and it was now acceptable for her to marry, and whilst she didn’t need their permission she wanted their blessing. She had explained that although Joseph would always have a place in her heart, Robert was a wonderful man and she loved him dearly. Whilst she didn’t believe that they would accept, she had invited them to attend the wedding and had also sent an invitation to Peter. As expected they had declined her invitation, however they had given her their blessing and said that they were happy that she had found someone who loved her and sent their best wishes for a long and happy marriage. They had also sent along a gift of a beautiful silver platter to celebrate the event.

 

Between the small number of guests that were to be invited and Robert and Alexandra’s desire to be married quickly, overall it was a small wedding that did not require a tremendous amount of planning. Unlike Alexandra’s first wedding, which had been a large, elaborate affair at the insistence of Mrs Dutton, this one was much more intimate. When Robert had first heard about the scale of Alexandra’s wedding to Joseph he had told her that they could have a large wedding if that was what she wanted. But Alexandra knew how uncomfortable he would be with a large wedding, and seeing how she had no real desire to repeat the experience herself, had declined the offer, telling Robert that all she wanted was to marry him, she didn’t care where or how. Therefore they had decided on a small wedding, with the ceremony to be held in the church that they visited each Sunday and the wedding breakfast to be held in the main dining room at the Eames house.

 

As Alexandra walked down the aisle to the man who would be her husband in a few short minutes, she remembered what life had been like less than a year ago, when she had never expected anything like this to happen. Now she couldn’t imagine her life any other way and she found herself wanting to quicken her steps in her eagerness to reach Robert. But her father’s steady pace calmed her and she tried to enjoy the anticipation.

 

Soon enough they had reached the alter and Mr Eames placed Alexandra’s hand in Robert’s, before kissing her on the cheek and taking a step backwards. Interlacing his fingers with her’s, Robert squeezed Alexandra’s hand as they both faced the minister.

 

The minister started the ceremony, speaking of marriage and the commitment that Robert and Alexandra were making to each, to stand by each other’s side for the rest of their lives, though good times as they raised a family and to grow old with each other. Mr Eames spoke his part and soon it was time for Robert and Alexandra to make their vows. Turning away from each other for a moment, Alexandra passed her bouquet to Olivia for safe-keeping, whilst Robert collected the ring from Michael. He had not been able to find the wedding band that matched the engagement ring that he had given Alexandra and had instead had one made to match it. He had liked the idea of Alexandra having one ring that had family history behind it and another that they would create their own history for. He had kept the ring a surprise from Alexandra and was looking forward to explaining the significance of it to her later in the day.

 

Robert knew exactly what he needed to say to Alexandra, but he waited until the minister prompted him to say, “I Robert, take thee, Alexandra, to be my lawful wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.” He kept his eyes on her as he repeated as vows, ignoring everyone else around them.  

 

There were tears glistening in Alexandra’s eyes as she recited her vows to Robert. “I Alexandra, take thee, Robert, to be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.”

 

Still watching her intently, Robert then slowly slid the wedding band onto her finger and said, “With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

 

Smiling indulgently at the couple, the minister then concluded, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

 

Pulling Alexandra closer to him, Robert leaned down and whispered, “I love you Mrs Goren.”

 

“I love you too Mr Goren,” she replied, reaching up to accept his kiss.

 

Their friends and family cheered as they ended their kiss and turned to face them. Michael and Olivia were the first to congratulate them as they were standing beside them, but they quickly moved aside so their parents and Alexandra’s siblings could congratulate them. The celebration then moved back to the Eames house, where the staff had prepared an elaborate wedding breakfast. It was late in the evening by the time the festivities started to come to an end, although the younger children, worn out from all the excitement, had been taken up to the old nursery not long after sunset. Frances had also taken her leave earlier in the evening, asking that Miss Olivet take her home because she recognised that her symptoms got worse when she was tired.

 

Eventually the urge to be alone became too strong for Robert and Alexandra to ignore and they also said their goodbyes. Courtesy of some seamless organisation between the servants of the Eames household and the servants at Canarsie House, Alexandra’s belongings had been taken to Canarsie House earlier that morning and had been placed alongside Robert’s in the master bedroom.

 

The house was quiet by the time Alexandra followed Robert through the front door for the first time as mistress of Canarsie House. They appreciated the privacy that the servants had given them and knew that there would be time to properly introduce Alexandra to the household in the morning. Instead, hand in hand, they eagerly made their way to the master bedroom, where a fire was gently warming the room and the bed was already turned down, ready to enjoy the beginning of their life together as husband and wife. 


End file.
